#187 BFN again (03/27/13)

My body has been crying wolf for days now.  Spotting heavily, is this going to be CD1?  Then nothing, which makes me think, was this just heavy implantation?  I get my hopes remotely up, then spotting again.  This has been happening since CD21, and it is now CD27.  Deb keeps trying to keep me positive and try and welcome a sticky bean, but I don’t think it has happened. 

This month will be try number 3.  Our original plan was to try me three times and then try Deb three times, if still no luck, start the adoption process.  We have been waiting so long for my body to be ready that it seems a waste to not keep trying, but this is why we planned what we did.  We didn’t want to spend so much money on no guarantee.  If we spend that money on adoption fees, theoretically, eventually, we would end up with a baby.  But it wouldn’t be quite the same. 

In my opinion the cosmic joke in the TTC journey is that when you get the red NO you’re not pregnant, you are also in the heightened emotional state of PMS which makes the rejection worse.  Alas, today is officially CD1 again.  Hopefully I get to say “third time’s a charm” after this round, if we go this month.