Cabin Fever, Agoraphobia, with a side of Lazy

The countdown is on. I will be returning to work in three weeks. Well less than that now. My Anxiety about this is growing. What will I miss when I am at work and not with Spencer?  Will Yaya (grandma that will also be looking after him) replace me in Spencer's eyes? Once Deb is home too will I be completely replaced to him?  Will Deb have even less time to focus on us (selfish thought I know)? Will I be replaced and put aside

I  know most of these fears are unfounded and probably PMS Enflamed emotions but things like that keep welling up. 

For the past year I have been home what feels like ALL the time, which is the start of cabin fever. (Christmas holidays to Sechelt  was a good break, even though I fell down stairs twice, at least I didn't break anything) 

I get to go out with Deb and Spencer on weekends. In the past I haven't made much of an effort to leave the house during the week. In turn I'm not sure if this is turning into a fear of taking Spencer out alone, worried I'll forget something, not be able to handle him alone in public, snowball worst case scenarios from there. 

Or am I just lazy to not leave the house. For a while I was getting out to play groups but I didn't hit it off too well with the moms (not sure what I was expecting) but Spencer had fun. Then we had colds and freezing cold temperatures and colds and Christmas to do lists, the excuses not to go seemed to get worse.  Now it doesn't seem worth it as I am going back to work in three play date Thuradays. 

Are my fears manifesting because I have been inside in my bubble for too long? Am I creating scenarios that would never happen to hide the fact I'm afraid to go back to work? be in the real world every day? Will I hate myself for loving going to work more than taking care of Spencer? (Being a mom is hard work, even for the less inspired mom) am I afraid that Deb will be a better mom and think I have done a shit job during my turn at mat leave? She has motivation to do everything. I have motivation to get the required done (laziness)

It is that kind of snowstorm that is in my head at most given moments and I don't know how to make it stop. 

Deb is trying to understand why I'm a basket case and would do anything to help but she doesn't understand why I'm afraid or angry or mad or upset in the first place. She understands that I will miss Spencer during the day because she does every day. But she doesn't get the other stuff. She doesn't get why I'm upset over things that haven't happened and probably won't. Neither do I.