Like a lot of people about to embark on getting pregnant, I’ve been reading some other blogs of other lesbians Trying To Conceive (TTC), some of which were successful, some still trying. Getting up on the knowhow on what is to come. On a couple sites if have come across entries like “Rudest Questions to ask a Pregnant Lesbian” or “Questions NOT ok to ask during pregnancy.”
In my opinion, it is ok to ask every question. Knowledge is key to help people be less nervous about lesbians, or prejudice, or come to the WRONG conclusion. Yesterday I had two conversations about my wife and me about to try to get pregnant; one with my sister, who seemed afraid to ask anything and one with my Aunt who was interested in every aspect, and asked about what she didn’t know. She loves babies and is very excited we are about to try and get pregnant. Some questions my aunt didn’t quite know how to ask, but I understood what she was trying to say so I informed her.
That is one of the sites that I came across. This is my compassionate response to these questions.
1. Do you know the father? No, originally we were going to use a close friend as a donor, but in the end we decided to go through a sperm bank.
2. Did you consider adoption? Yes. As someone that is obviously missing a key component to having children naturally, this is a natural question to ask.
3. What is the baby going to call you? We haven’t quite figured this out. For the natural, one will be called mom, we are still up for debate as to the second title. For ease on early language, mom for both of us is probably going to happen a little.
4. Do you hope it is a girl? Yes, however my wife would like a boy. But in the end, we want a happy and healthy baby.
5. Was IVF a fortune? We aren’t going through IVF, we are going through IUI. My aunt did ask a question similar to that, as she knows someone that went through IFV, and so I informed her what IUI is and why we are going that way.
In the end, I would rather people be informed than come to wrong conclusions. Some questions may be a bit much, ie “Can I be in the delivery room?” however, you can ask, it is just the answer would probably be No.
When asking the questions or talking about it, be considerate, and compassionate instead of being rude or having an attitude about asking.
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