#185 Excuse #11 (03/15/13)

Lately I’ve been noticing another excuse getting in the way.  I’ve been lax on the fact that I haven’t been losing weight.  I do panic a little when the scale goes up, but so far, most of those ups have been balanced with downs, just not losing weight further.  I’m losing motivation because I am trying to get pregnant and that is a main focus.  I have been (mostly) logging my food on MFP (My Fitness Pal) and somewhat coming within my calorie allotments.  

We have started to get a workout most days; 20-30 minutes, unless we have a long shop on our to-do list that day or errands, where we are fairly out and about and active for the day.  But it seems that because we are walking/cycling every day I seem to use that as an excuse not to push to break a sweat.  It seems to be a partial lackadaisical workout.  It is good that we are getting activity most days, and that is why we book it as 20-30 minutes on alternating days, so it isn’t that hard to book that much time, but we need not use that as an excuse to slack as a workout.  Don’t get me wrong we don’t just putz while on the stationary bike, or walk as slow as possible on the treadmill, I could just do more.  The excuse seems to be, me being on the fence about putting a lot of effort into losing weight because I’m hopefully about to get pregnant, which would mean putting it all back on. 

Excuse #11 – Life becoming the excuse.  For me that is planning pregnancy (at this point.) My counter to that is, I just have to remember any pound I lose now is one I won’t be carrying when I add extra weight for baby. 

This week has been a slippery slope of gradually getting worse about what I’ve been eating and how much.  I need to stop it now and regain focus that I am losing weight to get pregnant and be healthier while pregnant, and when I have a baby to carry and look after.  If I don’t nip this in the bud now, when I am pregnant, excuses will come flying out of my head as to why I can’t exercise, or why I am eating bad foods. 

Tomorrow’s weigh in isn’t going to be kind, I don’t think.  I just need to keep going and not let it bring me down and start emotionally eating.  

#179 9DPI (02/25/13)

It seems so hard not to think “This time it worked.”  The problem is I have nothing to compare it to.  For this TWW, I feel like the little child in the back of the car “Are we there yet?” And just like the little child, there is nothing I can do to speed up getting to the destination faster.  What can I do to make the test come out true?  Alas, there is nothing that can be done, so we are still adhering to waiting until Saturday, which is 14 DPI, one day shy of when AF is supposed to arrive.  Any sooner would be a waste. 

As for phantom symptoms, I’m still getting dizzy/light headed fairly frequently.  If this isn’t pregnancy, it is something I probably should have looked at.  (If it isn’t just my head playing tricks on my that will go away should I get a BFN.)  My boobs are a bit more tender than usual, but as AF approaches that could be just a side effect that I had never noticed before.  My stomach feels “alive/active” for lack of a better description.   But me noticing this could be just the fact that I’m paying more attention to my uterine area more than I ever have in my life, and the “alive” could be the constipation I’m having issues with because of the prenatal vitamins, it could be my body preparing for AF, or could be my Crohn’s flaring up a bit.  Periodically, I’ve also been having random cramps/back ache like AF was starting.  The last random phantom symptom is I’ve been a little more spaced out than usual, noted by Deb, as well as a little more tired than usual.

This documentation of every little thing is to be able to record what is happening, for next month, and I’m going through the TWW again, I can look back and see this is what happened last time, and not to stress about it, just get over it.  

Update:  This afternoon I'm feeling extra irritable/moody, most like a PMS symptom I usually get the week before AF for a day. This is not promising.  

#178 Calm Seas for now (02/21/13)

I'm kind of back to being pessimistically calm about everything and trying to not read too much into everything and just letting it be.  Being anxious is not good for anyone. 5DPI

What will be will be;

I’ll just have to wait and see;

If this egg will grow;

To make my pregnancy glow.

Weight loss plan update.  For the past few weeks Deb and I have had a gain and a loss and gain and loss.  End result our weight loss has stalled.  Our eating habits haven’t changed much, the difference is we haven’t been working out much.  We were trying to workout with fair gusto every other day.  But that has turned to not looking forward to it, Deb’s knees have been upset over the whole ordeal.  The past couple days we’ve been taking it a bit lighter and a bit shorter, but liking it at the end of it.  So for now, (We’ll see how long it sticks) we are doing a lighter workout almost every day.  Out excuse for not working out with gusto, we don’t want to jar implantation.  Alas, if we can work out for 30 minutes 5-6 days a week instead of 45 for 3-4 times a week the total minutes are about the same.  Let’s see how it works for us.  On the positive side, we are at least still continuing, instead of abandoning all together.  

#177 Tinge (02/20/13)

Am I psyching myself up for a heartache?  Am I getting excited over gas?  Today I’ve been a bit crampy.  I’ve been trying to let myself think it is just gas or general stomach issues, in an effort to not get my hopes up.  It feels a bit “pokier” than usual menstrual cramps, but a pretty close comparison.  Well, this afternoon while on the loo, I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper.  This is too hard not to think this is implantation, but at 4 days past ovulation/implantation, isn’t it too soon?  Is my body crying wolf just to make me think I’m pregnant?

Alas 10 more days at least before I can take a HPT.  

#176 4 DPI (02/20/13)

We are finally in the first Two Week Wait.  The IUI went well.  The IUI nurse complimented me on my cervix.  It is a good shape and position for baby heads/delivery.  That is good news.  The odd part was; they didn’t have me lay still for any period of time.  While I asked a few questions and what not, I stayed on the exam table, and didn’t rush getting up afterwards.  

Our sperm numbers were pretty good I think.  Post thaw this is how the numbers went; total sperm 76.4 Million/ml.  Our vial was .5ml and they used .1ml for testing.  Of those sperm 42% Highly active, 2% Slow but active and 56% Immobile.  The amount of active sperm I got was 13.4 million.  The clinic said that was fairly good.  So we are hopeful.  Once we got home we did some research on how long it takes the sperm to reach the end of the fallopian tubes.  Surprisingly the little guys make the journey in as little as 10-30 minutes.  With the IUI, closer to the 10 minute mark. 

The day of the IUI, every little twinge had me wondering if that was the sperm meeting the egg, or if that was my official ovulation, or if it was just general stomach issue, or plain psychosomatic and my head just playing tricks on me.   Since then, I’ve had a couple things where, Is this a sign, but in reality, I know it is way too early to have signs of anything, so I’m blaming the HCG shot for them.  Some symptoms include dizzy (which I get periodically for no reason anyways), upset stomach (usually caused by the prenatal vitamins, which I think is the full reason of morning sickness anyways, lol), sensitive sniffer, (this is a new one, as most smells I don’t register unless directly in my nose or very overpowering.  The downside to this is, I get the odorous diapers as my wife is very sensitive.) 

It seems things are getting calmer, and imaginary symptoms are getting less (dizzy spells still happening a bit though, and had an odd urge for hot sauce on dinner last night).  But everything could be coincidence, and just hoping everything is happing as planned.  We still can’t help but wonder if the sperm met the egg, and the egg wasn’t a prude and let the sperm in.  My uterus feels welcoming though.  

I have a few pictures from the day I will post when I sync my camera.  

#175 Valentine’s Day (02/15/13)

Nothing says I love you like, jabbing your loved one with a needle.  Alas, it was not like I had prepared myself for, the worst.  Last night at midnight, my lovely Sherpa wife gave me the HCG shot to stimulate ovulation.  I didn’t even feel the needle.  She is a great Sherpa nurse.  Of the two options given we decided to put it into my thigh. Deb pinched the skin as instructed, and I didn’t feel a thing.  An added bonus is, given my tendency to allergic reactions, I didn’t get the rash that a good portion of people get temporarily at the injection site.  That was a bonus. 

For Valentine’s, tonight, we are going to the Hot Springs nearby.  Having a lovely relaxing night, in a lovely hot pool, which hopefully will be the last time I can enjoy such luxury for 9 or so months. 

Last night, we noticed that Valentine’s has been a fairly significant holiday for us, without making a point of it.  Our first Valentine’s, we were away on Vacation in Fernie (which I had planned before meeting her), within 2 weeks of meeting each other.  We have been inseparable since.  Our next Valentine’s we got our first together puppy Tuffy.

 

The following year, we went to Las Vegas; more so because we needed a holiday than because we were celebrating Valentine’s.  Our Fourth Valentine’s (this year).  We are getting the first try at being ultimately creative, and making a baby.  (And going to the hot springs.)  All of these things happened on Valentine’s day, not because it was the day itself, just because of life timing.  

#175 Follicles Update (02/13/13)

The results are in.  My egg has grown to 1.8.  Not quite enough for the HCG shot tonight, but tomorrow night at midnight, my darling lovely Sherpa (Deb) will be giving me the shot.  It will be a lovely Valentine’s day thing to do, the start of our official attempt of trying to make a baby.  That’s a lot of maybe, and it is hard not to get to over excited, but we both realize that this is just that, an attempt.  No guarantees.  It is still nice to feel like a puddle of goo because we are so smooshy about finally getting to this point. 

This also means, after about one year of getting everything ready to try, we have finally scheduled our first IUI for Saturday afternoon.  It is great that it is Saturday because then I don’t have to go to work after the fact.  We can make it a lovely day, maybe go to the zoo, and just have a relaxing day for us.  This does mean our trip to the states will be postponed.  We could go on Sunday/Monday instead, if the packages we are shipping to the boarder have arrived, or just next weekend.  

#173 Follicles (02/11/13)

This morning was my first follicle measure for this month.  They are still small, but that is to be expected on day 10, as I usually ovulate around day 15 or 16.  The one to keep an eye on is 1.5 cm and on the right side, it needs to be about 2 before they will do the hCG shot.  That is just one good size egg, which takes some stress of twins off the plate, the rest of my eggs were under 1.  The additional plus is that it is on the right side, which is the opposite side of my rubber nub (polyp) in my fallopian tube on the left side.  All is well with my eggs thus far. 

Deb came with me, but they wouldn’t let her in for the ultrasound, and the follow up appointment was just to say my eggs were too small, and give me the measurement of the eggs and say keep my ultrasound appointment for Wednesday.  It was nice to have Deb there to wait with for the appointments though.  She is coming to the next one as well, because that is when they will be giving instructions on giving the hCG shot and she sort of needs to be there for that as there is no hope on this green earth that I will be able to give myself a shot.    Deb has this vision of her running from the other end of the room with the warrior holler as she runs towards me, then stops right before injection and says “I can’t do it.”  I have faith in her she will be able to do it. 

Acupuncture has been going well, and I love chiro.  I had a double appointment on Saturday.  Chiro helps keep my stomach/digestion in check, as well as my hips.  I don’t know how I did before chiro, it is great.  The meditation during acupuncture is great, and I’m getting good vibes that it helps from the fertility clinic.  I don’t think they can officially say people should do it, but they have responded positively that I am doing it and have been for a few months.  The day of the IUI I will be going in for a pre and post acupuncture appointment; which if my IUI is on Saturday might delay the road trip to the states, but all for a good reason.  I do miss the massages, but I’m saving my coverage money for when I’m pregnant and need them for my back or feet or to pamper my pregnant belly/body.

On a side note, my crohn’s ultrasound went well.  I didn’t even need the contrast ultrasound because nothing is flared right now.  With nothing being flared there is nothing to contrast, so no IV and a fairly quick, normal belly ultrasound.  

#171 Excellent Fairly Low Calorie Desert (01/30/13)

I originally found this pin on Pinterest late yesterday.  I’ve added the original blog link here.  It  It seemed too easy to be good, but seeing I love pineapple and angel food cake is the lesser of evils when dessert is concerned, I wanted to try it.  We made it last night as a quick dessert and was very worth learning it.   Here are the Ingredients/Instructions from Tammilee Tips

Ingredients
1 package Angel Food Cake Mix
1 20 ounce can of crushed pineapple

Directions
Combine Angel Food Cake Mix and crushed pineapple in a Mixing Bowl  by hand. Make sure and mix thoroughly so everything is combined

Pour into a 13 x 9 Baking Pan

Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees

Once made we cut the cake into 12 squares, which is a fairly decent size piece and here are the nutrition values after calculating with My Fitness Pal.

Total Calories  166 per 1/12 recipe

Total Fat                                           0 g

    Saturated                                     0 g

    Polyunsaturated                         0g

    Monounsaturated                       0g

    Trans                                              0g

Cholesterol                                       0g

Sodium                                     189 mg

Potassium                               52.2 mg

Total Carbs                                38.8 g

Dietary Fiber                                0.4 g

Sugars                                             28 g

Protein                                           3.4 g

Vitamin A                                        0%

Vitamin C                                     7.5%

Calcium                                           6%

Iron                                                0.8%

The slight downside to this recipe, you really want a second piece.  But we did manage to resist and save the rest for another day.

#170 Diet Derailment Day (01/28/13)

This weekend was a great weigh in.  I lost 1.1 kg so that is great.  Today however, I just want to eat everything.  I’m not sure why.  I’m even craving to go for a buffet dinner.  This thought process is very counterproductive.  I’m trying to stop the cravings, I’ve drank a fair amount of water, trying not to eat every available snack, but so far, I’m having issues stopping munching.  At this point, I’m just trying to stop from going completely overboard.  

But I will log everything.

#169 hCG? (01/23/13)

Well, yesterday I went for more blood work.  From Friday to Tuesday my levels went from LH 10 > 4 and Progesterone 5.6 < 30.  So timing something didn’t quite work for catching the positive OPK’s properly.  The clinic recommends next month I do follicle monitoring ultrasounds and use the hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) Trigger Shot when the time is right. 

This does increase the possibility of twins I think. This is does make for me being a bit more nervous on this, but I think it is worth it.  The amount of stress I’ve had peeing on three sticks at a time to see which ones work for me, and to try and pinpoint my ovulation has been hair raising.  HCG doesn’t guarantee twins, nor does it guarantee pregnancy.  Just helps things be a bit more relaxed about the process I think. 

One thing is for sure, Deb will have to give me the shot (if I don’t get it at the clinic), as I will not be able to give myself the shot.  I’m too nervous about needles.  So next month is hopefully the first go at this, which is the next step to this long process of getting the TTC journey started. 

From what I have read though, it does mean I can’t take a home pregnancy test early because it will give false positives.  I will have to truly wait the two weeks, or until AF shows up.   

Does anyone have experience with hCG shots?  

#168 My eggs may have stage fright (01/21/13)

The clinic called on Saturday and said my progesterone levels were 5.6, but I still haven’t surged.  So I’m still testing.  Still negatives this weekend and today though.  They said to call back today if I still haven’t had a positive OPK. 

Today is CD18, so there is still time.  I don’t have spin (EWCM) though.  I’ve all ready been through the stages; however spin was a very short window, now I’m back to infertile mucus.  Maybe my eggs were getting ready to go, all systems go, and then Poof decided to stay in their follicle where it is safe, stage fright. 

Friday was a very emotional day, and it took a good night’s sleep to come out of the funk.  However Deb was very glad it happened, as she had slight reservation that I was doing this just for her.  Based on my reaction she now knows, I’m also doing this for me.  So at least my melt down served some purpose.  See everything does happen for a reason. 

At this point, if we have missed this month, I will be ok with that; still sad, but ok.  If the clinic calls for more blood work, I will go in.  I don’t have high hopes for a run this month, but still would be a great turn of events if we do.  

#167 CD15 (01/18/13)

Well, I have peed on a lot of sticks.  Thursday morning the lines were lighter but still there; still a big NO from First Response.  I even started also peeing on Clear Blue.  They had a faint line yesterday but still not strong enough to call the clinic.  Today the lines were almost nonexistent, and spin (EWSM) is gone, however, I haven’t had a spike yet in temp.  I called the clinic and left a message and explained everything.  I’ll see what they say, but I’m sure we have missed our window. 

Now I’m border-line crying.  We have been waiting and waiting for so long and we thought this would be the month for first try.  Just to miss it, and have to wait again. 

With the emotions pouring, I now want comfort food; greasy, salty, sweet food; pizza, chocolate, cheesecake, brownies, caramel popcorn, cookies, everything.  It is going to take some serious will power to get through this one.  

PS:  I’m trying to keep in mind everything happens for a reason. 

#166 CD13 Part 2 (01/16/13)

Well, I ended up testing again with the First Response.  I had gone to their website to make sure I was using the tests correctly.  The big difference on the ones I’m using is they need to be in the urine for 15 seconds.  So I decided to just test again with the Wondfro (just in case it was a fluke) and with First Response.  Unfortunately I got the same results as before.  So it is being left till tomorrow, where I will test once again and hope for a positive on the First Response or the Clear Blue Easy.  I think I will try with all three tomorrow just for stress and giggles.  

#165 CD13 (01/16/13)

Positive? Negative?  Confusion...Arg. 

The top test is First Response OPK.  The bottom is Wondfro.  In the digital reader FR came up NO.  The wondfro is a clear double line.  Same pee cup sample.

My fertility clinic only recongnizes CB or FR.  Should I go and buy some CB or test again later this afternoon with FR?  Or just test again tomorrow, as my clinic recommends only testing once a day?

Over all going in on Friday/Saturday vrs tomorrow is all around better.  

Anticipation of first Insemination is driving me bananas. 

#165 Temptations (01/14/13)

Well today seems to be testing my will power a bit.  Normally on Tuesdays work brings around a tea cart with a sample of cookies.  This is a fun treat option once a week.  Today they brought it around and will also be bringing it tomorrow, the proper day.  I did have a herbal mint tea no cream or sugar, and resisted all the cookies, even though there were some interesting new ones available from a gourmet pack of chocolate covered cream looking cookies, or the wafer tubes with chocolate in them, one of my usual weaknesses.  Sometime ago it would have taking a sumo wrestler to hold me back from taking one, or four. 

As another temptation today, work offered pizza, which is not a usual thing.  For some reason, today, that didn’t even register as an “ooh that sounds good.”  All I could think of was the grease pooling on the cheese and it didn’t appeal to me today.  There have been days in the past the sound of a good cheesy pizza was the fabulous idea for snack, or dinner, or breakfast, or sometimes lunch. 

Maybe I’m just coming down with the flu, or maybe I’m getting willpower of steel resisting evil food temptations.  Well; probably not either, just getting better in general at excuse #4 Food weaknesses and #6 Resisting Peer Pressure for Food. 

As far as caffeine update, I have been limiting myself to one 16 oz coffee per day.  The first few days were a bit of a snooze by the time I got off work, but I managed.  I’ve been doing this for one week now.  If I must have another cup of coffee, it must be decaf.  This is to have weaned off for if (when) I get pregnant.  I don’t want to have a fetus vibrating from my caffeine consumption.  I don’t think I will be able to wean off the morning cup, but we will see how things go.  

#164 Christmas Recovery (01/14/13)

The weekend weigh in went well.  I’m back down to just about what I was in early December; a loss of 3.7 pounds this week.  That is partially due to TOM the week before, but it is at least nice to see on the scale again.  So I am classing myself to have recovered from the weight gain over Christmas.  Now it is time to continue losing weight.

We are trying to work out every other day; so far doing fairly well.   This weekend we kept fairly busy, and come Sunday night I was ready to just sit and relax and watch some TV.  But, bless her, my wife got us going to work out. 

Our eating habits are getting back under control.  Our main faux over Christmas was desserts and sweets; a typical weakness over the holidays.  Hopefully next year I will be a bit better at this lifestyle change. 

Once pregnant (in theory), I hope to not use that as the ultimate excuse to eat everything/anything.  Relatively in second/third trimester, they say you need an additional 300 calories.  That isn’t much extra, so I hope to be able to maintain my general eating habits and just include extra milk in a day, and a small snack to two.  I think I need to read up on cravings and what they mean to nutrition deficiencies.  Try and be prepared as a defence for cravings.  (One week or less to my first IUI.)

#162 CD1 Came Early (01/03/13)

Well, I had this dream, my first cycle ovulation day would be on a weekend day.  Have acupuncture, have a relaxing insemination, go back for acupuncture, and have a relaxing day with my wife.  Poof, that dream is coming to a probable end.  AF came a few days early thus I will more than likely be ovulating on a regular week day, and thus have to try and fit these things into my schedule.  Maybe I can try and swing my work schedule to work on a weekend, to have my ovulation day off, or a half day. 

This does explain my extreme chocolate craving yesterday though.  I had figured it was way too early to be PMS cravings and just thought it was my diet enemy Amy coming forth.  Which I did cave in to and had some chocolate. 

Yesterday I had scheduled my appointments for acupuncture on January 19^th, which would have been a great day.  I even had to reschedule after looking at the Fertility Clinic’s times for weekend IUI’s and found they only do afternoon appointments on weekends.  Now I will more than likely need to reschedule again.  I think I will talk with my boss a little bit to see how they want to handle these appointments.    Alas, all the talk about starting this month and my body reacted “Ooohh it’s time to start here we go.”  Hopefully it is open and receptive and we have compatible healthy sperm and we get the one shot trial.  We’ll see how it goes. 

But the insanity of officially Trying To Conceive is beginning and it is CD1

#161 Happy New Year (01/02/13)

Well, over the holidays, the diet went out the window, exercise didn’t really happen, and I’m back down to only 10 pounds lost.  Alas, it is an old habit that is going to be hard to break.  It is the new year and time to get back on track. 

We had a wonderful holiday season though.  My wife made me a lovely command centre for the kitchen.  It is a beautiful up-cycle of an old picture frame.  It has a calendar space, a white board area for our weekly meal planning, and a magnetic space to hold the note pads for grocery lists and post-its she put magnets on, as well as clips for notes for each of us for to do or things for the week, and of course in my favorite color, Purple.  I’ll try and post a picture of it soon. 

As far as New Year Resolutions, I don’t really have any per ce.  Still working on the typical, trying to exercise more, lose weight, eat right, organize the house, purge clutter, pre house nesting, and get pregnant soon. 

In my heart I do feel 2013 is going to be a good year.  Let’s hope my heart is right.  

#160 Doughnut Debate (12/21/12)

Today one of the bosses brought in Tim Horton’s doughnuts for a treat for Christmas.  This is not a homemade treat, but something that is tempting me.  I think this is one of my excuse #10 compromises.  Having homemade treats is worth the temptation and calories (well, almost, but too weak to say no).  Doughnuts are outside of that category.  I think I need to say no to the doughnuts.