#180 11DPI (02/27/13)

Well, on the evening of day 9 and periodically through day 10 I got some spotting.  I haven’t noticed any today yet, but it’s still early.  So that could be the right timeline for implantation, or just early warning signs AF is coming soon.  Every day I’m at work, it feels like Friday, so then tomorrow we would be testing.  But like in Groundhog Day, my work days keep coming, and Saturday is still not here.  I wake up and repeat the work day, only to find, I still have another (or three) work days to go. 

Today I am still spotting.  It isn’t increasing to say it is AF, but I’m still not convinced 100% it is IB.  I do feel bloated though.  Just all around bloated, and that could be PMS, or pregnancy fluid increase.  All symptoms could go either way, and it is a bit annoying.  Mother Nature should give you a giant banner saying “You are pregnant” or “Sorry; you missed the boat this month”.  It would save a lot of stress in this TTC journey.  

Update:  I'm pretty sure I just go the big red banner of "Sorry; you missed the boat this month."  Too much spotting to be IB.  

#179 9DPI (02/25/13)

It seems so hard not to think “This time it worked.”  The problem is I have nothing to compare it to.  For this TWW, I feel like the little child in the back of the car “Are we there yet?” And just like the little child, there is nothing I can do to speed up getting to the destination faster.  What can I do to make the test come out true?  Alas, there is nothing that can be done, so we are still adhering to waiting until Saturday, which is 14 DPI, one day shy of when AF is supposed to arrive.  Any sooner would be a waste. 

As for phantom symptoms, I’m still getting dizzy/light headed fairly frequently.  If this isn’t pregnancy, it is something I probably should have looked at.  (If it isn’t just my head playing tricks on my that will go away should I get a BFN.)  My boobs are a bit more tender than usual, but as AF approaches that could be just a side effect that I had never noticed before.  My stomach feels “alive/active” for lack of a better description.   But me noticing this could be just the fact that I’m paying more attention to my uterine area more than I ever have in my life, and the “alive” could be the constipation I’m having issues with because of the prenatal vitamins, it could be my body preparing for AF, or could be my Crohn’s flaring up a bit.  Periodically, I’ve also been having random cramps/back ache like AF was starting.  The last random phantom symptom is I’ve been a little more spaced out than usual, noted by Deb, as well as a little more tired than usual.

This documentation of every little thing is to be able to record what is happening, for next month, and I’m going through the TWW again, I can look back and see this is what happened last time, and not to stress about it, just get over it.  

Update:  This afternoon I'm feeling extra irritable/moody, most like a PMS symptom I usually get the week before AF for a day. This is not promising.  

#178 Calm Seas for now (02/21/13)

I'm kind of back to being pessimistically calm about everything and trying to not read too much into everything and just letting it be.  Being anxious is not good for anyone. 5DPI

What will be will be;

I’ll just have to wait and see;

If this egg will grow;

To make my pregnancy glow.

Weight loss plan update.  For the past few weeks Deb and I have had a gain and a loss and gain and loss.  End result our weight loss has stalled.  Our eating habits haven’t changed much, the difference is we haven’t been working out much.  We were trying to workout with fair gusto every other day.  But that has turned to not looking forward to it, Deb’s knees have been upset over the whole ordeal.  The past couple days we’ve been taking it a bit lighter and a bit shorter, but liking it at the end of it.  So for now, (We’ll see how long it sticks) we are doing a lighter workout almost every day.  Out excuse for not working out with gusto, we don’t want to jar implantation.  Alas, if we can work out for 30 minutes 5-6 days a week instead of 45 for 3-4 times a week the total minutes are about the same.  Let’s see how it works for us.  On the positive side, we are at least still continuing, instead of abandoning all together.  

#177 Tinge (02/20/13)

Am I psyching myself up for a heartache?  Am I getting excited over gas?  Today I’ve been a bit crampy.  I’ve been trying to let myself think it is just gas or general stomach issues, in an effort to not get my hopes up.  It feels a bit “pokier” than usual menstrual cramps, but a pretty close comparison.  Well, this afternoon while on the loo, I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper.  This is too hard not to think this is implantation, but at 4 days past ovulation/implantation, isn’t it too soon?  Is my body crying wolf just to make me think I’m pregnant?

Alas 10 more days at least before I can take a HPT.  

#176 4 DPI (02/20/13)

We are finally in the first Two Week Wait.  The IUI went well.  The IUI nurse complimented me on my cervix.  It is a good shape and position for baby heads/delivery.  That is good news.  The odd part was; they didn’t have me lay still for any period of time.  While I asked a few questions and what not, I stayed on the exam table, and didn’t rush getting up afterwards.  

Our sperm numbers were pretty good I think.  Post thaw this is how the numbers went; total sperm 76.4 Million/ml.  Our vial was .5ml and they used .1ml for testing.  Of those sperm 42% Highly active, 2% Slow but active and 56% Immobile.  The amount of active sperm I got was 13.4 million.  The clinic said that was fairly good.  So we are hopeful.  Once we got home we did some research on how long it takes the sperm to reach the end of the fallopian tubes.  Surprisingly the little guys make the journey in as little as 10-30 minutes.  With the IUI, closer to the 10 minute mark. 

The day of the IUI, every little twinge had me wondering if that was the sperm meeting the egg, or if that was my official ovulation, or if it was just general stomach issue, or plain psychosomatic and my head just playing tricks on me.   Since then, I’ve had a couple things where, Is this a sign, but in reality, I know it is way too early to have signs of anything, so I’m blaming the HCG shot for them.  Some symptoms include dizzy (which I get periodically for no reason anyways), upset stomach (usually caused by the prenatal vitamins, which I think is the full reason of morning sickness anyways, lol), sensitive sniffer, (this is a new one, as most smells I don’t register unless directly in my nose or very overpowering.  The downside to this is, I get the odorous diapers as my wife is very sensitive.) 

It seems things are getting calmer, and imaginary symptoms are getting less (dizzy spells still happening a bit though, and had an odd urge for hot sauce on dinner last night).  But everything could be coincidence, and just hoping everything is happing as planned.  We still can’t help but wonder if the sperm met the egg, and the egg wasn’t a prude and let the sperm in.  My uterus feels welcoming though.  

I have a few pictures from the day I will post when I sync my camera.  

#175 Valentine’s Day (02/15/13)

Nothing says I love you like, jabbing your loved one with a needle.  Alas, it was not like I had prepared myself for, the worst.  Last night at midnight, my lovely Sherpa wife gave me the HCG shot to stimulate ovulation.  I didn’t even feel the needle.  She is a great Sherpa nurse.  Of the two options given we decided to put it into my thigh. Deb pinched the skin as instructed, and I didn’t feel a thing.  An added bonus is, given my tendency to allergic reactions, I didn’t get the rash that a good portion of people get temporarily at the injection site.  That was a bonus. 

For Valentine’s, tonight, we are going to the Hot Springs nearby.  Having a lovely relaxing night, in a lovely hot pool, which hopefully will be the last time I can enjoy such luxury for 9 or so months. 

Last night, we noticed that Valentine’s has been a fairly significant holiday for us, without making a point of it.  Our first Valentine’s, we were away on Vacation in Fernie (which I had planned before meeting her), within 2 weeks of meeting each other.  We have been inseparable since.  Our next Valentine’s we got our first together puppy Tuffy.

 

The following year, we went to Las Vegas; more so because we needed a holiday than because we were celebrating Valentine’s.  Our Fourth Valentine’s (this year).  We are getting the first try at being ultimately creative, and making a baby.  (And going to the hot springs.)  All of these things happened on Valentine’s day, not because it was the day itself, just because of life timing.  

#175 Follicles Update (02/13/13)

The results are in.  My egg has grown to 1.8.  Not quite enough for the HCG shot tonight, but tomorrow night at midnight, my darling lovely Sherpa (Deb) will be giving me the shot.  It will be a lovely Valentine’s day thing to do, the start of our official attempt of trying to make a baby.  That’s a lot of maybe, and it is hard not to get to over excited, but we both realize that this is just that, an attempt.  No guarantees.  It is still nice to feel like a puddle of goo because we are so smooshy about finally getting to this point. 

This also means, after about one year of getting everything ready to try, we have finally scheduled our first IUI for Saturday afternoon.  It is great that it is Saturday because then I don’t have to go to work after the fact.  We can make it a lovely day, maybe go to the zoo, and just have a relaxing day for us.  This does mean our trip to the states will be postponed.  We could go on Sunday/Monday instead, if the packages we are shipping to the boarder have arrived, or just next weekend.  

#174 Command Centre (02/12/13)

It’s not one of the best pictures but this is the command center my wife made me for Christmas.  I have been meaning to post a picture since.   It is a lovely change from what used to hang there, an old wall phone that came with the house.  It has the calendar, meal planning, grocery lists, clips for to do’s and hooks for hanging things.  The right side is magnetized for keeping the lists and menu up but can be removed for writing on etc.  

#173 Follicles (02/11/13)

This morning was my first follicle measure for this month.  They are still small, but that is to be expected on day 10, as I usually ovulate around day 15 or 16.  The one to keep an eye on is 1.5 cm and on the right side, it needs to be about 2 before they will do the hCG shot.  That is just one good size egg, which takes some stress of twins off the plate, the rest of my eggs were under 1.  The additional plus is that it is on the right side, which is the opposite side of my rubber nub (polyp) in my fallopian tube on the left side.  All is well with my eggs thus far. 

Deb came with me, but they wouldn’t let her in for the ultrasound, and the follow up appointment was just to say my eggs were too small, and give me the measurement of the eggs and say keep my ultrasound appointment for Wednesday.  It was nice to have Deb there to wait with for the appointments though.  She is coming to the next one as well, because that is when they will be giving instructions on giving the hCG shot and she sort of needs to be there for that as there is no hope on this green earth that I will be able to give myself a shot.    Deb has this vision of her running from the other end of the room with the warrior holler as she runs towards me, then stops right before injection and says “I can’t do it.”  I have faith in her she will be able to do it. 

Acupuncture has been going well, and I love chiro.  I had a double appointment on Saturday.  Chiro helps keep my stomach/digestion in check, as well as my hips.  I don’t know how I did before chiro, it is great.  The meditation during acupuncture is great, and I’m getting good vibes that it helps from the fertility clinic.  I don’t think they can officially say people should do it, but they have responded positively that I am doing it and have been for a few months.  The day of the IUI I will be going in for a pre and post acupuncture appointment; which if my IUI is on Saturday might delay the road trip to the states, but all for a good reason.  I do miss the massages, but I’m saving my coverage money for when I’m pregnant and need them for my back or feet or to pamper my pregnant belly/body.

On a side note, my crohn’s ultrasound went well.  I didn’t even need the contrast ultrasound because nothing is flared right now.  With nothing being flared there is nothing to contrast, so no IV and a fairly quick, normal belly ultrasound.  

#172 Ultrasounds (02/04/13)

Back in October I had an appointment with my gastrologist.  She had said to set up a follow up contrast ultrasound in February to make sure my medication, Pentasa, is working properly.  I didn’t hear anything.  Seeing it is now February, I called my gastrologist’s receptionist to follow up.  I thought I had gotten out of having to go again, for another few months, because it takes a while to get an appointment.  Yay for me right.  Not so much.  Either they squeezed me in because the requisition was sent in October, or they failed to notify me about the appointment.  So this Friday I have a contrast ultrasound for crohn’s. 

Next week, because of my fertility OPK issues, I also have two ultrasounds booked for Monday and Wednesday for follicle measurement and ovulation monitoring.

If it isn't one thing, it is another.  The TTC process is a hard one.  We've been at it for almost a year now, and not even one attempt, just getting things in a row.  Each road bump, you think, am I doing the right thing.  But each bump puts me that much closer, and I'm still wanting to go through the whole process.  Maybe the length of TTC is just to get you through some personal growth that is needed before kids.  But that's just my off handed thought.