#177 Tinge (02/20/13)

Am I psyching myself up for a heartache?  Am I getting excited over gas?  Today I’ve been a bit crampy.  I’ve been trying to let myself think it is just gas or general stomach issues, in an effort to not get my hopes up.  It feels a bit “pokier” than usual menstrual cramps, but a pretty close comparison.  Well, this afternoon while on the loo, I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper.  This is too hard not to think this is implantation, but at 4 days past ovulation/implantation, isn’t it too soon?  Is my body crying wolf just to make me think I’m pregnant?

Alas 10 more days at least before I can take a HPT.  

#176 4 DPI (02/20/13)

We are finally in the first Two Week Wait.  The IUI went well.  The IUI nurse complimented me on my cervix.  It is a good shape and position for baby heads/delivery.  That is good news.  The odd part was; they didn’t have me lay still for any period of time.  While I asked a few questions and what not, I stayed on the exam table, and didn’t rush getting up afterwards.  

Our sperm numbers were pretty good I think.  Post thaw this is how the numbers went; total sperm 76.4 Million/ml.  Our vial was .5ml and they used .1ml for testing.  Of those sperm 42% Highly active, 2% Slow but active and 56% Immobile.  The amount of active sperm I got was 13.4 million.  The clinic said that was fairly good.  So we are hopeful.  Once we got home we did some research on how long it takes the sperm to reach the end of the fallopian tubes.  Surprisingly the little guys make the journey in as little as 10-30 minutes.  With the IUI, closer to the 10 minute mark. 

The day of the IUI, every little twinge had me wondering if that was the sperm meeting the egg, or if that was my official ovulation, or if it was just general stomach issue, or plain psychosomatic and my head just playing tricks on me.   Since then, I’ve had a couple things where, Is this a sign, but in reality, I know it is way too early to have signs of anything, so I’m blaming the HCG shot for them.  Some symptoms include dizzy (which I get periodically for no reason anyways), upset stomach (usually caused by the prenatal vitamins, which I think is the full reason of morning sickness anyways, lol), sensitive sniffer, (this is a new one, as most smells I don’t register unless directly in my nose or very overpowering.  The downside to this is, I get the odorous diapers as my wife is very sensitive.) 

It seems things are getting calmer, and imaginary symptoms are getting less (dizzy spells still happening a bit though, and had an odd urge for hot sauce on dinner last night).  But everything could be coincidence, and just hoping everything is happing as planned.  We still can’t help but wonder if the sperm met the egg, and the egg wasn’t a prude and let the sperm in.  My uterus feels welcoming though.  

I have a few pictures from the day I will post when I sync my camera.  

#175 Valentine’s Day (02/15/13)

Nothing says I love you like, jabbing your loved one with a needle.  Alas, it was not like I had prepared myself for, the worst.  Last night at midnight, my lovely Sherpa wife gave me the HCG shot to stimulate ovulation.  I didn’t even feel the needle.  She is a great Sherpa nurse.  Of the two options given we decided to put it into my thigh. Deb pinched the skin as instructed, and I didn’t feel a thing.  An added bonus is, given my tendency to allergic reactions, I didn’t get the rash that a good portion of people get temporarily at the injection site.  That was a bonus. 

For Valentine’s, tonight, we are going to the Hot Springs nearby.  Having a lovely relaxing night, in a lovely hot pool, which hopefully will be the last time I can enjoy such luxury for 9 or so months. 

Last night, we noticed that Valentine’s has been a fairly significant holiday for us, without making a point of it.  Our first Valentine’s, we were away on Vacation in Fernie (which I had planned before meeting her), within 2 weeks of meeting each other.  We have been inseparable since.  Our next Valentine’s we got our first together puppy Tuffy.

 

The following year, we went to Las Vegas; more so because we needed a holiday than because we were celebrating Valentine’s.  Our Fourth Valentine’s (this year).  We are getting the first try at being ultimately creative, and making a baby.  (And going to the hot springs.)  All of these things happened on Valentine’s day, not because it was the day itself, just because of life timing.  

#175 Follicles Update (02/13/13)

The results are in.  My egg has grown to 1.8.  Not quite enough for the HCG shot tonight, but tomorrow night at midnight, my darling lovely Sherpa (Deb) will be giving me the shot.  It will be a lovely Valentine’s day thing to do, the start of our official attempt of trying to make a baby.  That’s a lot of maybe, and it is hard not to get to over excited, but we both realize that this is just that, an attempt.  No guarantees.  It is still nice to feel like a puddle of goo because we are so smooshy about finally getting to this point. 

This also means, after about one year of getting everything ready to try, we have finally scheduled our first IUI for Saturday afternoon.  It is great that it is Saturday because then I don’t have to go to work after the fact.  We can make it a lovely day, maybe go to the zoo, and just have a relaxing day for us.  This does mean our trip to the states will be postponed.  We could go on Sunday/Monday instead, if the packages we are shipping to the boarder have arrived, or just next weekend.  

#167 CD15 (01/18/13)

Well, I have peed on a lot of sticks.  Thursday morning the lines were lighter but still there; still a big NO from First Response.  I even started also peeing on Clear Blue.  They had a faint line yesterday but still not strong enough to call the clinic.  Today the lines were almost nonexistent, and spin (EWSM) is gone, however, I haven’t had a spike yet in temp.  I called the clinic and left a message and explained everything.  I’ll see what they say, but I’m sure we have missed our window. 

Now I’m border-line crying.  We have been waiting and waiting for so long and we thought this would be the month for first try.  Just to miss it, and have to wait again. 

With the emotions pouring, I now want comfort food; greasy, salty, sweet food; pizza, chocolate, cheesecake, brownies, caramel popcorn, cookies, everything.  It is going to take some serious will power to get through this one.  

PS:  I’m trying to keep in mind everything happens for a reason. 

#148 IUI Timing (10/18/12)

You have to remember, everything happens for a reason.  Everything happens for a reason.  Everything happens for a reason. 

When I first saw my fertility doctor, we had charted one month of BBT.  He said we don’t need to do that anymore, so we stopped.  I’m starting up again, just for my curiosity but haven’t gotten a full month.  I’ve just started my cycle again, 3 days early.  So I’m trying to have a full month charted, and continue going for now.  The point to this is; my cycle is now 3 days early.  This puts my ovulation days (per my iPFree App) right when the clinic is closed for Christmas break.  I can’t go before that, as I have surgery to remove a polyp scheduled for mid November, right when I’m menstruating, so that complete month is out.  Before this early cycle, my peak ovulation day was January 3^rd 2013, and that is the day the clinic reopens for business.  I was really hoping time would be on my side and I would be able to try first week into the New Year.  Now, I’m looking at the end of January, which would mean the earliest Due date would be November 1^st.  That is a little too late in the year to have my grandmother fly over from England. 

So, I’m now sending my body fertile thoughts and direction to have a shorter cycle this month as well, which would pull my prime date ovulation to before the clinic closes for Christmas.  I’m now also wondering if I should do a couple months of OPK’s to test that they do work for my body, and that I ovulate close to when the App thinks I do.  The OPK’s are just expensive and I’m wondering if it is worth the cost.  Did anyone test OPK’s before trying IUI? 

Quick cycle, quick cycle, quick cycle, breathe, relax, quick cycle, quick cycle.  Everything happens for a reason. 

I think my cycle starting early may be my body saying, hurry up and get pregnant all ready.  I hope so, but it isn’t quite working to the PLAN.  Goes to show plans can change at a moment’s notice. 

#147 Trying to Conceive (10/16/12)

Since switching over to blogspot, I have been reading a few other blogs of lesbians trying to conceive, most of which were from some years past and now have children a year or more old.  Most of them have been great for me to get a better idea of what to expect and to be able to get more of the desire to be pregnant, not just wanting children.  (I found it weird to think of a baby growing inside; it wasn’t on my bucket list really, before reading a few blogs.) And reading of the babies’ first year let me glimpse into what life may look like and see what the reward is.  I haven’t really been around too many babies or children for that matter; so the concept was still a LOT foreign to me.  But the desire to have a family with my wife was strong. 

Our plan to get to that point is the obvious for lesbians, IUI’s.  We are spend thrift, and can’t justify the long term costs of keep going until you get pregnant, no matter the costs, when there are children that need homes via adoption. The downside to adoption is it can take a very long time, especially  with wanted a newborn, and more countries having restrictions on gay couple.  Plus we would like to at least try to have one of our own.  So we came up with the plan of try for me to get pregnant three times, if no avail, we will then try to get my wife pregnant three times.  If still no one is pregnant, we will go the adoption route.  Now, reading more blogs and seeing that trying for 6 months and still no pregnancy is almost a normal.  I am worried our efforts will be in vain.  We are always planning for getting pregnant fairly quickly; as it seems our life doesn’t take the slow road for much, while still knowing it may not happen that way.  Reading another blog today whose journey was long, but just reached the 6 month mark of IUI’s, it hit a little harder.  Will I get to my three month mark and be devastated that I was unable to get pregnant?  Will I want to keep trying?  Or will I pass the baton to my wife gladly?  End result we would like to children from the same donor.  If I fail at the first three attempts, we may not get that. Three attempts seems a minuscule amount of time in most TTC journeys. 

I guess we are hoping to be part of the small fraction of couples that are lucky enough to get pregnant quickly; otherwise it will be Three Strikes, You’re Out.  The phrase third time’s a charm comes from somewhere.

Yikes, I’m having these worries and we haven’t even gotten to IUI #1.  Only time will tell what happens