#68 Writing....To save my life? (06/06/12)

The past couple days I’ve been wondering if I should bother writing my blog.  Due to the lack of progress in weight loss I’ve been in a slight funk.  The fact that I only have three people reading, I was almost saying why bother writing.  An email from Dharma (thanks Dharma for the encouragement) kept me coming back, but I was lacking the passion to write.  I had hit a dead zone kind of. 

However, on the flip side of things; I have three people (usually) reading my blog myself, Dharma and Partschick (my wife).  That is more than the one person and doing it just for me.  The email from Dharma was a nice reminder that it isn’t just me going through these things. 

Now that I’m slightly coming out of that funk, I realize how much the blog helps me, the most important reason I am doing this.  If I wasn’t writing and logging my food with some encouragement from my MFP pals I truly believe I would have quit ages ago.  Having a record of my thoughts is important to me, to keep me going, through the good moments, and especially the bad.  There are many ups and a lot of downs.  This isn’t a journey that promises smooth sailing. 

My weight loss is a journey to save my life.  Being morbidly obese is not healthy and will take me to an early grave.  It is not a might, it is a fact.  In order to avoid this early trip to bed with the worms I have to change my life. 

My weight loss is also a journey to create another life.  Being morbidly obese makes getting pregnant more difficult.  So the more weight I lose before going to the clinic the better.  Unfortunately my wife and I won’t have an OOP’s we got pregnant, we are having to work on it, so I’m hoping to lose as much as I can before I get my first appointment. 

By having a blog to record small steps and remember them is what is keeping me going.  I realized today how when I’m not in a funk, when I’m writing, it is like it has to come out of me.  Maybe it is a way for my body to communicate with me without my brain distorting the truth.  Then I can reflect on what I have written and see where I am, and where I have been, and where I need to go.  My voice seems to come out of my finger tips a lot better than in real life.

Many small steps will get us to our long term goals.  This journey will not be one gigantic leap.  Having the patience to last through all the small steps, even the ones going backwards, is a virtue we all need to learn. 

So in a way writing this blog is saving my life.  It keeps me going, it acts as a reminder, and it is a record of where I was, and what I was thinking.  So when I get to the end of my journey at a healthy weight, whatever that magic number is, however many years it takes, I will be able to go back to what I wrote to keep me from going back to where I was, where I am now.  I just have to remember this journey is measured in years, not days or months.  It is years now to lose the weight, and years will be added to my life, both measured in experiences because I am healthy enough to do things I want to do, and the longevity of my lifetime. 

#53 I need a swift kick in the keester (05/17/12)

It has now been two months and what; I’m slowly falling back into old habits.  Not working out as much as I should, not drinking as much water as I should.  Eating fairly healthy though, but bad habits are still late night bad snacks that top off calories, instead of really healthy ones.  I’m losing my gumption.  I need to get back into gear.  Yes life has been keeping my evenings busy, but that is slowly becoming an excuse again.  I need to get back into gear.  New goals:

1.      Drink at least 6 glasses of water a day, and LOG them. 

2.      Try to average 4500 steps a “week” day.  I’ve been at around the 3500-4000 mark lately.  But seems to slowly be getting less.

3.      Try to average 2 Fitbit Miles per “week” day.  (Plus workout miles)

4.      Work out more.  Vigorous cleaning, like vacuuming yes that is a work out.  Doing dishes, not so much.  But on top of that I need to get back into working out time.  Walking and Wii.  I’m over half way through the month and I haven’t gotten very far on my goal of 15 treadmill miles this month. 

5.      Take my vitamins every day. 

For the next 10 days I will try and make these goals.  Let see how I do.

On a side note though; today my bum feels smaller.  I was just walking up the stairs and though my bum didn’t seem as heavy today.  Probably all in my head, but alas maybe I can make time tonight to take my monthly measurements. 

#51 Cookie Monster Eating Back Calories (05/15/12)

Overall in a day my wife and I are under on our fat content %.  Hard to believe I know.  We tried to eliminate all excess fat items, and switched to lower fat ones ie FF Yogurt, FF Dressing, Light Cottage Cheese, light cheddar some of the time, lean meats etc. But apparently that was a little too much.  Too little fat in your diet and one of the major issues is, you hair falls out.  We haven’t hit that point as we do have some fats in our diet, but I think we need to balance off the carbohydrates with a little more fat.  This for me is a hard pill to swallow, as most of my life “FAT is the enemy, cut out fat from your diet to lose weight, etc.” But we are trying to have a balance diet, so if we increase the fat, our carbs should go down, provided we keep to the calorie allotment. 

To help bring up our fat content we have introduced 2% cottage cheese, and OMG Homo Milk.  That is 3.25% creamy milk.  I grew up on homo, but in adulthood switched to 2% in an attempt to limit fat.  As why I’m here, that really was a drop in a bucket that didn’t help.  The down side to having yummy milk in the house, what goes well with milk?  COOKIES. 

This past week my wife and I have been under our net calories near the end of the day.  This is due to Fitbit adjustment and or exercise credits.  To top off the calorie balance we have been having milk and cookies.  So that is upping our carbs (sugars) along with the milk to bring up the fat, therefore not really increasing our fat %.  However, the cookies are also trying to sneak in other areas.  Today is tea Tuesday, which also has cookies available and because I have been having cookies, I’m almost craving them.  I don’t think I will be able to resist tea and cookie(s).  Another sneaky cookie, on the weekend morning, I had a cookie with my coffee.  A long time habit I had well into my adulthood, once again 2% milk to save fat, but having cookies for breakfast.  I know how I got here; not very good choices.  Don’t dwell on the past, just try and not have history repeat itself.

My challenge to myself this week was to be as close the net 0 calories as possible for eating, to try the “Eat more to lose weight” but what is another food that is good for topping off calories, that is mostly eek, FAT.  Plus eating in late evenings isn’t very good, but I don’t want to eat too much during the day and end up going over.  This is a delicate maneuver.....calorie balancing.  I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon enough. 

In general cooking I’m going to start to include olive oil to help increase a little, but that can be another slippery slope, literally.  Those fat calories add up quickly.  For every gram of fat it is 2.25 times the calories per gram of carb or protein. 

Today I’m starving.  Not too sure why.  I’m not very active, eaten a little less than usual, but not that much less.  Weird. 

#25 The Weekend Challenge (04/13/12)

So far for my personal mini challenge I am doing well.  I have been under my calories for three days, I'm going for seven.  The big challenge is going to be the weekend.  That is when our planning goes out the window usually for one reason or another.  Thinking ahead to cover Easter did help, I didn't stick 100% but it did help.  Let's think this through. 

• Friday night
• Zuchini pancakes 350 Cal
• Ranch dressing 100 Cal
• Oatmeal pancakes 300 Cal
• Yogurt 70 Cal
• Saturday Morning
• Cereal 359 Cal
• Coffee 90
• Saturday Lunch
• Chicken Wrap 450 Cal
• Saturday Dinner
• Stir Fry, about 500 Cal, which leaves about 200 Calories flex for snacks, plus any exercise calories earned.
• Sunday Brunch
• Smozzle 600 Cal
• Coffee 90 Cal
• Sunday Dinner
• Spaghetti Squash & Chicken 390 Cal

Let's see how the weekend goes. 

#22 My challenge to myself (04/10/12)

This is my challenge.  I have now been logging all my food and exercise for a little over three weeks consecutively, however the longest I have been going under my calorie goals in a row is four days.  My challenge to myself is to make it a week without going over, starting today.  Let's see if I can do it.