#158 Christmas Baking & Diets (12/20/12)

My willpower over Christmas baking is almost nil.  We are trying to be good and do up lower calorie jams, candied ginger (high sugar, but you only eat one or two), etc for our general baking.  But then there is the stuff out of the daily recipe book that we are trying.  December seems to be mostly deserts.  We have skipped a bunch for caloric reasons, but some are just too tempting to skip. 

Then a co worker of mine gave me some homemade fudge and a marshmallow chocolate log slices.  My wife and I have been sharing them.  However on the day that I received them and they were sitting on my desk, they were calling my name and I couldn’t resist trying some of them. 

The other day, my wife’s desk was the hub of activity so all of the boxes Christmas chocolates that customers were leaving for the office sat on her desk.  She had greater will power than I would have; she just tried two of the truffles and skipped the Pot of Gold.  I would have tried some of each I’m sure.

Our MIL brought over some Christmas baking too.  Some cakes and something else that is perfectly dangerous.  Popcorn Twists Caramel Corn.  We have been pacing ourselves on eating that, and we are probably thankful that she only gave a small container.  This is a recipe that would be diet derailment to make I’m sure, because I wouldn’t stop eating until it’s gone. 

At Christmas there is just a myriad of things to try and most of which are delicious.  It has been a lifetime habit to try at LEAST one of everything offered.  It is a very difficult habit to break.  At this point I guess the compromise is not to try everything on the same day.  Try one or two things today, another tomorrow etc, instead of trying everything now, and seconds on things tomorrow, with new options as well. 

The other hard thing is, with most items being other peoples homemade baking; it is very difficult to log it on MFP.  I am trying to log with best intentions, but finding it frustrating and a little annoying to see my calories be over most days this past little while.  But I am trying to log to be true to the system, and that is helping keeping me from grabbing another nibble in the late evening.  

I guess this is Excuse #10 – Holiday Cheat/Treats.  There really isn’t a rebuttal for this.  It is just that, an excuse.  Just break the habit and remember moderation is the best I can do.  I’m working on curbing that habit, but I don’t think I will have that licked this holiday.  The goal is to not gain weight though, so let’s see how I do.  We are also keeping priority on making some time to work out so maybe, just maybe there will be a loss in the next two weeks. 

#153 Update in General (11/08/12)

Well, I was right, I didn’t get in and out of IM appointment as quickly as last time.  I got in to see the nurse right away, but then was waiting for the doctor for two hours.  Apparently the doctor I was supposed to see got snowed in, so he was filling in.  He said I was a low risk patient for surgery next week.  That is good news, nothing I didn’t know though.  As a precaution he might order a nebulizer before surgery to make sure my asthma is calm.  Not a bad idea, so that at least made it a little worthwhile for an appointment. 

While I had someone, I asked him about weight loss and nutrition.  He in general said to go to a nutritionist, as he didn’t want to give me bad advice.  So I did say what we were doing for Carb/Protien/Fat proportions, and asked where squashes fell in the vegetable category ie potatoes > broccoli.  It is somewhere in the middle, which is what I had figured.  Overall, our diet plan is pretty good, from what he was saying.  The problem is sticking to the plan. 

As far as our “diet” is going, the past few months have been a valley of denial.  Not going completely off the rail, but we’re not really making progress either.  My wife stopped logging onto MFP a while ago now.  Without her doing it along side, I’ve been lazy with my logging, and not doing it to the extent it should be done, as well as missing days entirely. 

I’ve stopped walking at lunch, even before the snow arrived.  The main reason was sweat.  The more I walked, the more I wanted to walk.  That is great in theory.  The downside to this is; it is a break at work, and the first place I sweat is my head.  My hair was beginning to look pretty slick in the afternoons.  Yuck.  The doctor gave me an idea though.  Nearing the end of the day, go up and down the flight of stairs in our building a few times.  It is only a few minutes of workout, but it is more calories burned than walking, and it is at the end of the day, so I wouldn’t need to worry as much about the sweat in my hair.  So I’m hoping to get that into action, maybe even today.  I say this as I snack on Kellogg’s Krave cereal, with 0 nutritional value, other than “fortified vitamins” I’m sure, as an after lunch snack.  It is a good think I only have a measured portion of this, as this cereal is a very moreish item.  If left unchecked I’m sure I would eat the entire box.  Alas, I think we will buy these anymore once the box is done. 

 

On the hopefully up side of our diet, we have purchased a book; A Year Full of Recipes.   So far this is inspiring us to cook from scratch, thus having less processed foods.  With some modifications to reduce oil used and various spices we don’t care for, these recipes have been a hit, and most meals being between 300-500 calories with sides on the recipe.  My wife has been doing the cooking so far, which is a lovely thing for her to do.  They are very filling dinners that are fairly nutritionally balanced, without overdoing it on the calories.  Yes they have some deserts, and we will probably make them, but the idea is only have deserts once/twice a week, instead of every day, which is a routine we have fallen into, even if they are small desserts.

 

I hope this meeting with the doctor is enough to help get me started again, be more focused on losing weight, while I have the time, before I try to get pregnant.  In the past year, since we bought the Wii Fit, I have lost about 12 pounds.  That is one pound a month.  This is not a large progress, but it is solid progress in my eyes.  We’ve made small changes here and there, but seem to lack the combination of using the small changes together to make a larger difference.  Hopefully over the next year we can work on that.  The one thing is though, we have been at this a year.  We haven’t been 100% goal oriented, but have majority kept going, kept plugging away.  I think this is the longest period of time where weight management has been at least remotely on my mind.  Some things have taken the focus off, Deb quitting smoking, going on a vacation, clearing a hoarder house, and a cruise full of buffets, but we have kept going and kept most of the weight loss off, so now is a time to start going down again. 

Everything in life has peaks and valleys, but at least life isn’t flat and boring.  

Sorry for the long winded post, just a lot to say today I guess.

#128 Timeline of IUI (09/11/12)

Well, it has been a fairly long journey to get to this point, and it is going to be a bit longer.  The trip started pretty much at the beginning of this year when my wife tried to quit smoking.  That took a few months, then testing for Rubella, and getting on the wait list for the fertility clinic.   It was about five months ago that we got the phone call about when we might get our first appointment.  After testing, purchasing sperm and more testing we now have a new timeline. 

The surgery to remove the polyp in my uterus is scheduled for mid November.  That is another two months away, then another cycle after that for our first attempt.  Late November would be my first ovulation after the surgery.  That is too early in my opinion, no healing time.  However the next ovulation would be over the Christmas/New Year period, which after reading a few other blogs, I’m not convinced our clinic will be open those days.  I’ve emailed the clinic to check. 

On the upside, that gives me more time to lose weight, on the downside, that is lessening the possibility of my Grandma flying over for the birth, even now that is a remote possibility.  My boss is happy of the delayed timeframe.  She is in slight denial that I would be leaving for maternity leave.    

As my other posts before this one, New Month, New Vigor or New Month, New Motivation, I need to kick up my weight loss again.  I don’t think I’m the only one that goes through this cycle of three steps forward and two steps backwards, or should I say three pounds lost, and two pounds gained.  As long as it doesn’t turn into two pounds lost and three gained, repeatedly it is still technically progress. 

So now I need to get rid of the cruise pounds, and continue on my weight loss lifestyle.  Going from full buffet for a week to normal is a hard transition.  I just had three cookies with Tea Tuesday.  Not a good diet choice.  Our vegetables haven’t been cut yet for our lunch salads either; Sunday had very good reasons, Monday medium good reason.  But tonight it is the night they have to get done.  I think my body is craving the veggies again. 

My current goal is to work out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, NO EXCUSES.  The closer I get to possible pregnancy the more worried I am that I will be put on bed rest because my body can’t support the weight of baby and pregnancy gain.  Well, today is Tuesday, and I have a million other things that need to be done, but I NEED to put working out in the top three. 

On the fertility goals, I have also put an email into our friend who is a Fertility Acupuncturist, who owns a clinic that focuses on Fertility, which also has massage, and chiropractic, along with a few other services. Currently I have three extended medical plans which has coverage for such things, and two of which have amounts that expire at the end of the year, thus, I might as well use them up.  So I am trying to be one relaxed cookie by the time I go for the first IUI treatment.  If only the plans also covered Manis/Pettis, that would be the ultimate relaxation day. 

#120 Timing (08/22/12)

Today my stomach is getting used to the medications for Crohn’s (hopefully).  That is a slight worry off my plate. 

In the weight loss category I’m still not working out as I should.  Life and sometimes lack of energy gets in the way.  I know, I know, the more active you are the more energy you have, but it is a vicious cycle to break.  Regarding food, I am starving today.  Not too sure why though.  It is only 11:00 and I’ve had my morning honey pretzels, and some melon, but I feel I could eat a full meal between now and lunch.  My possible theory on this is, my digestion is finally returning to normal cycles, so things are moving through, this then leaves my stomach empty sooner.  I think before I eat anything else, I’ll have a couple glasses of water. 

Tonight I’m trying to schedule workout time, but we are also going to a store that is closing out, in order to purchase stuff for Christmas Shoeboxes, (we like to put together between 10-20 boxes each year, so we purchase stuff as it is on sale, ie back to school sales for pencils, crayons etc, boxing week for Barbies and Hot Wheels, or when stores are closing out for whatever they may sell that goes into our very tightly packed shoeboxes) and might also try and finish picking the Nanking cherries before they start to go bad.  This will probably cut into our workout time. 

From yesterday I would like to note, I love my wife, and she makes me feel loved, she takes good care of me. 

Oh vegetables, how I have missed thee.  For the past week, we haven’t been having our veggie salad for lunch because we hadn’t been prepared and pre cut veggies.  We finally caught up on our other stuff enough to make time to cut veggies last night.  As I was eating my salad straight up (no dressing) my body was trying to say “This is glorious.”  Now I’m having my light desert of sorts which is cottage cheese and blueberries.  Also a missed item on my lunches. 

#119 Too Much (08/21/12)

Do you ever feel like there is just too much going on?  Like you are juggling and you start with one ball, then add another, and anther.  Three balls not too bad, but then more keep coming, you keep adding to the circle of balls you are juggling until you feel if anything else comes at you everything will come crashing down. 

Crohn’s is somewhat new to my life.  My mom lived with it from her 20’s and in the end died from a spinoff of the disease.  It is funny though, it never seemed to be a topic of discussion in our house growing up.  I knew she didn’t eat green vegetables as they hurt her stomach, and a few other things here and there.  She occasionally had to have Boost meal drinks on top of her meals to help boost her calories.  Over the years she had multiple surgeries to remove pieces of her intestine.  I’m pretty sure she was on prentizone to help manage the crohn’s.  Even though I lived with someone majorly affected by crohn’s all of my juvenile life, I don’t know much about the disease, probably more than the general population, but not much.  Now that I have it, (one juggle), my Virgo self needs to research it (two juggle). 

In the attempt to lose weight (three juggle) in order to get pregnant (four juggle) my wife and I are eating healthy, which is helping for the diet requirement for Crohn’s which was suggested, basically eat from the Canada Food Guide, and minimize animal fats. Originally I didn’t think that was much of an issue, but my wife brought up the question “Does that include dairy and eggs?”  In our house that is a major source of protein. Thus we may have possible major changes in diet (five juggle), but at the very lease tracking my diet through My Fitness Pal back to a higher degree of accuracy to get a better view of my macros, including the vitamins I take to make sure I’m getting the nutrients I need, especially for when I’m pregnant.

Also along the trying to get pregnant list, the polyp is the next issue (six juggle). Not a major thing (hopefully), but still something bugging my noodle. 

Then we have the general living category, learning to can fruit and deal with a mass harvest (seven juggle).  My job, thankfully isn’t that stressful, but does occupy a fair amount of my day (eight juggle), preparing the house for before I get pregnant (pre nesting), like personalizing the master bedroom (nine) organizing our storage (ten), clearing out non essentials to make room for baby stuff (eleven), preparing for the cruise (twelve).  That is a dozen things up in the air right now, some more stressful than others; the last one a good one, but we’ve never been on a cruise so I don’t know what to prep for. This is all stuff that is either a have to deal with or really want to deal with but I’m feeling very overwhelmed.  I just feel I could sleep for a week to let things settle in my head then have a game plan.  But for the most part, everything is happening as it happens.  As long as the dozen juggles doesn’t turn into a baker’s dozen before the cruise, I think the cruise will give me the much needed rest from the regular day to day to come back with Vim and Vigor to attack the next thing that needs to be dealt with.

#68 Writing....To save my life? (06/06/12)

The past couple days I’ve been wondering if I should bother writing my blog.  Due to the lack of progress in weight loss I’ve been in a slight funk.  The fact that I only have three people reading, I was almost saying why bother writing.  An email from Dharma (thanks Dharma for the encouragement) kept me coming back, but I was lacking the passion to write.  I had hit a dead zone kind of. 

However, on the flip side of things; I have three people (usually) reading my blog myself, Dharma and Partschick (my wife).  That is more than the one person and doing it just for me.  The email from Dharma was a nice reminder that it isn’t just me going through these things. 

Now that I’m slightly coming out of that funk, I realize how much the blog helps me, the most important reason I am doing this.  If I wasn’t writing and logging my food with some encouragement from my MFP pals I truly believe I would have quit ages ago.  Having a record of my thoughts is important to me, to keep me going, through the good moments, and especially the bad.  There are many ups and a lot of downs.  This isn’t a journey that promises smooth sailing. 

My weight loss is a journey to save my life.  Being morbidly obese is not healthy and will take me to an early grave.  It is not a might, it is a fact.  In order to avoid this early trip to bed with the worms I have to change my life. 

My weight loss is also a journey to create another life.  Being morbidly obese makes getting pregnant more difficult.  So the more weight I lose before going to the clinic the better.  Unfortunately my wife and I won’t have an OOP’s we got pregnant, we are having to work on it, so I’m hoping to lose as much as I can before I get my first appointment. 

By having a blog to record small steps and remember them is what is keeping me going.  I realized today how when I’m not in a funk, when I’m writing, it is like it has to come out of me.  Maybe it is a way for my body to communicate with me without my brain distorting the truth.  Then I can reflect on what I have written and see where I am, and where I have been, and where I need to go.  My voice seems to come out of my finger tips a lot better than in real life.

Many small steps will get us to our long term goals.  This journey will not be one gigantic leap.  Having the patience to last through all the small steps, even the ones going backwards, is a virtue we all need to learn. 

So in a way writing this blog is saving my life.  It keeps me going, it acts as a reminder, and it is a record of where I was, and what I was thinking.  So when I get to the end of my journey at a healthy weight, whatever that magic number is, however many years it takes, I will be able to go back to what I wrote to keep me from going back to where I was, where I am now.  I just have to remember this journey is measured in years, not days or months.  It is years now to lose the weight, and years will be added to my life, both measured in experiences because I am healthy enough to do things I want to do, and the longevity of my lifetime. 

#61 My inner catalyst is back (05/29/12)

My previous post I Want Results was good in thought.  And I want to adhere to it, but today it seems my old demons are back. My head is saying, I want cookies, hmm Tim Horton’s sounds great too, one or two doughnuts or maybe a snack pack of Tim Bits. 

It seems I’ve eaten a lot today all ready.  I’ve had my usual snacks, then a bit more with cereal, and a few Lemon Poppy seed cookies.  They are about 25 calories each, but seem to be adding up with the other things.  Then to top it off, I would like to be able to have my cantaloupe this afternoon, and once again it is Tea Tuesday, and I’m not sure if I can resist having a cookie (or two, or three).  Eek, the tea cart is here...............  I was unable to resist.  Damn. 

My motivation and inner catalyst seem to contradict each other.  Maybe I need bribe my catalyst over this the motivation side.  The down side to that is the usual bribe is “Come to our side, we have cookies.”  That does not quite work in this situation.  The catalyst is my inner fat demon I think she needs a name; Amy maybe?  Maybe it is my catalyst Amy bribing my motivation with cookies.  Now that I am trying to kick start the motivation my inner demon is kicking up a fuss. 

Maybe I’ll try and do some extra flights of stairs today to balance off the cookies.  Let’s see if I can get my next fitbit badge to have 25 flights in a day.  I’m only on 3 however; it might be a challenge.  It seems Amy is trying to tell me “No, No, you really don’t want to do that.”  I think I need to show her a thing or two. 

#51 Cookie Monster Eating Back Calories (05/15/12)

Overall in a day my wife and I are under on our fat content %.  Hard to believe I know.  We tried to eliminate all excess fat items, and switched to lower fat ones ie FF Yogurt, FF Dressing, Light Cottage Cheese, light cheddar some of the time, lean meats etc. But apparently that was a little too much.  Too little fat in your diet and one of the major issues is, you hair falls out.  We haven’t hit that point as we do have some fats in our diet, but I think we need to balance off the carbohydrates with a little more fat.  This for me is a hard pill to swallow, as most of my life “FAT is the enemy, cut out fat from your diet to lose weight, etc.” But we are trying to have a balance diet, so if we increase the fat, our carbs should go down, provided we keep to the calorie allotment. 

To help bring up our fat content we have introduced 2% cottage cheese, and OMG Homo Milk.  That is 3.25% creamy milk.  I grew up on homo, but in adulthood switched to 2% in an attempt to limit fat.  As why I’m here, that really was a drop in a bucket that didn’t help.  The down side to having yummy milk in the house, what goes well with milk?  COOKIES. 

This past week my wife and I have been under our net calories near the end of the day.  This is due to Fitbit adjustment and or exercise credits.  To top off the calorie balance we have been having milk and cookies.  So that is upping our carbs (sugars) along with the milk to bring up the fat, therefore not really increasing our fat %.  However, the cookies are also trying to sneak in other areas.  Today is tea Tuesday, which also has cookies available and because I have been having cookies, I’m almost craving them.  I don’t think I will be able to resist tea and cookie(s).  Another sneaky cookie, on the weekend morning, I had a cookie with my coffee.  A long time habit I had well into my adulthood, once again 2% milk to save fat, but having cookies for breakfast.  I know how I got here; not very good choices.  Don’t dwell on the past, just try and not have history repeat itself.

My challenge to myself this week was to be as close the net 0 calories as possible for eating, to try the “Eat more to lose weight” but what is another food that is good for topping off calories, that is mostly eek, FAT.  Plus eating in late evenings isn’t very good, but I don’t want to eat too much during the day and end up going over.  This is a delicate maneuver.....calorie balancing.  I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon enough. 

In general cooking I’m going to start to include olive oil to help increase a little, but that can be another slippery slope, literally.  Those fat calories add up quickly.  For every gram of fat it is 2.25 times the calories per gram of carb or protein. 

Today I’m starving.  Not too sure why.  I’m not very active, eaten a little less than usual, but not that much less.  Weird. 

#49 Eating Healthy; Does it take more time? (05/11/12)

Well, I’m sitting here eating my air popped popcorn with a Kernels Sweet & Salty shaker on it.  It had been measured into a Ziploc baggie for me to take for lunch.  This made me think of a conversation I had last night with my mother in law.  She laughed at the comment I made in my blog about healthy cooking/eating not taking that much more time.  She doesn’t agree. 

That got me to thinking how much time does my wife and I use to cook/eat healthier.  Once a week we cut a lot of veggies and fruit.  It is usually my wife cutting as I’m cleaning the kitchen or something.  Or we share the cutting.  The man hours into cutting is about an hour and a half.  That does our veggies for our lunches for the week and any leftovers goes into a stir fry at the end of the week.  For other dinners we have some frozen mixed veggies for stir fry or whatever was on sale at the time.  We currently have a fairly stocked freezer of frozen veggies. Measuring when cooking meals to make sure portion sizes are correct does take a little extra time, let’s say 10-15 minutes per dinner meal to measure and log the recipe.  We re-use recipes so that adds up to about an hour and a half per week, including all logging of all food.  For snacks we are now making our own prepackaged popcorn to have under 100 calorie snacks on hand.  That will be about an additional 30 minutes per week. 

Overall I think the weekly total for added time would be around 3.5 hours, so an average of 30 minutes a day.  Not usually a constant 30 minutes, but here and there for logging and measuring.  Allowing an extra 5 minutes around meals isn’t that bad.  Planning is a big helper.  Doing healthy on the fly is a little harder, depending on what you have on hand for groceries. 

In the end, I think the extra 30 minutes a day is well worth the trade now, to gain the years at the end of your life later. 

#45 Bad Diet History (05/08/12)

Today I read a small blog about bulimia.  It got me thinking about my dieting past, when I was much younger.  There was one point I can remember, I can’t remember how old I was, but I don’t think I was much older than 11-12.  Easter chocolate had been my overindulgence, and I figured, “Why not just throw it up, other people do.”  So I did.  Once I was done my thoughts were “What a waste of food.”  Also with it being a first time, it wasn’t that easy so I didn’t really feel any better than I had before. 

Near the end of high school, I tried “anorexia”.  That didn’t go well either.  Going from over eating to starving constantly, I immediately turned into insta-bitch.  Even I noticed, and the “empty” feeling didn’t quite give me any satisfaction at the time, so that didn’t last. 

One day in college, I wasn’t feeling well.  To the point that I figured throwing up was the best option.  I was in the ladies room and someone overheard me having difficulties evacuating my stomach.  Through the stall wall she offhandedly said “Have a glass of water, it makes it easier,” then left the washroom.  That person recognized what I was doing and instead of saying “Are you ok?” or something like that; she instead tried to tell me how to make a bad habit easier.  To this day I don’t know who that was, but I imagine she was a person who was fully bulimic and didn’t see it as abnormal. 

Where would I be today if there had been someone listening to my Easter incident and given me the tips then?  At that age I would have been easily coerced and thought that was okay.   I can pinpoint a few times in my life where if the college incident had happened at that time, I could have easily gone into a downward spiral.  Throughout high school I watched many MOW’s about anorexia and bulimia as if to pinpoint the payoff.  Try and figure out why people did it.  Try and give myself an excuse to say, “Okay, I think I should do that.”  However, the MOW’s did do their job and educated me against going down that road. 

In my adulthood, I learned that one of my friends in high school struggled with bulimia.  Had I known I don’t know if I would have been talking her out of it, or joining her. 

From the MOW’s many of them said anorexia/bulimia are a lot about control.  A lot in the exterior of their life is out of their control.  Food is the one thing they can and everything spirals from there.  Maybe some people that are overweight are getting there because of control issues too.  Not in consciousness did I realize, it is just now that I am analyzing things that I am maybe making this connection.  My BIG weight gain happened during my first marriage.  Was I subconsciously trying to gain weight so he would leave me?  Early on in dating my second spouse, was I so happy that I was trying to get my wife to gain weight with me so she didn’t trade me in? 

Now that I have balance in the rest of my life, I am taking control of my hidden control issues.  I am tackling weight loss in a healthy way.  I have tried to research most aspects and will continue to do so as I go along this journey.  Never again will I starve myself, consider bulimia, or constantly stuff myself to full at each dinner.  The right way (hopefully) is right down the middle, enjoy food in small quantity, but not so small my body isn’t getting the nutrients it needs.  Get Healthy, both in body and mind. 

#25 The Weekend Challenge (04/13/12)

So far for my personal mini challenge I am doing well.  I have been under my calories for three days, I'm going for seven.  The big challenge is going to be the weekend.  That is when our planning goes out the window usually for one reason or another.  Thinking ahead to cover Easter did help, I didn't stick 100% but it did help.  Let's think this through. 

• Friday night
• Zuchini pancakes 350 Cal
• Ranch dressing 100 Cal
• Oatmeal pancakes 300 Cal
• Yogurt 70 Cal
• Saturday Morning
• Cereal 359 Cal
• Coffee 90
• Saturday Lunch
• Chicken Wrap 450 Cal
• Saturday Dinner
• Stir Fry, about 500 Cal, which leaves about 200 Calories flex for snacks, plus any exercise calories earned.
• Sunday Brunch
• Smozzle 600 Cal
• Coffee 90 Cal
• Sunday Dinner
• Spaghetti Squash & Chicken 390 Cal

Let's see how the weekend goes. 

#14 HELLO.....your body is talking to you. Theory on over eating. (04/02/12)

I had a dramatic thought this afternoon.  I seem to be craving food.  All kinds of food, sort of.  Normally I would just continue to snack and what not, even when not hungry. 

The past couple days I haven't been eating as many whole foods, like my body has been adjusting to (and liking, I might add). So today I think my body is trying to say "Hey, I want some of the whole foods, clean foods." And now I'm starting to recognize that feeling.  But before I just would have eaten whatever, and continued to eat whatever until the cravings were gone, or I was WAY too full. 

From the way my body used to crave foods whether it be sweets, salty or just greasy foods, I am beginning to think my body was craving whole foods, but the message was getting lost in translation.  Due to habits I would eat what I would normally eat (Bad foods in excess), but my body was trying to say, "HEY, I want vitamins and minerals."

My thought for today is listen to your body. At first it will be like trying to learn a new language, but the more you listen, the more you will understand what your body is trying to tell you. 

Your body also tries to tell you, you are eating the wrong thing.  This weekend I ended up having some not so good foods.  What happened after I ate them?  I felt sick.  My body was again, talking to me.  Normally I wouldn't have even really given it much thought, but now I think every time I feel my body complaining/talking.  Yes it was the foods I had chose to eat.  My body then yelled at me "What the F&#% are you doing? I really don't like this." 

And now today, I'm craving sweet.  But I think that is my body saying, drink more water, I’m a lot dehydrated, and give me some fruit for the vitamins I’m short on now. 

I would also like to add, I think the more you ignore your body, the more your body tends to stop talking.  When you are constantly eating bad foods, your body is slowly collecting cholesterol, moving fat cells to the wing under your arms because the mid section is full, and just deals with what you are doing because it can scream at you no longer.  Craving come, but that is more of an automated message that is constantly repeating "I Need vitamins and minerals and water" but you hear as "I want sweets, grease and salt."

Start to listen to your body, learn the language.  The more signals you understand the more your body will communicate to you, and the more you will see results.  Soon you will be able to know exactly what your body is trying to say.  And you will be happier and healthier for the effort.

#12 Emotional Eating Junk Food Withdrawals (03/30/12)

Last night and today I've been through a wave of emotions.  My withdrawal from emotional eating has been worse than trying to quit smoking.  Last night, even though I was under my calorie limit I didn't want to start eating because I knew that would end up putting me over.  Having been under the day before, I was really hoping to get two days in a row. A small amount would have been ok, but emotional eating is NEVER a small amount.  Also, my wife wasn't under so even a small amount would have put her over even farther.  I was angry that I wouldn't though. I tried to push the blame (in my head) to my wife, "If she had eaten the same as me, I would be having something sweet right now." Then I got angry at myself for not just having something, but then I got angry for even having that thought. But I think that was just the withdrawal talking.

Today I've been a mess, secretly tearing up in my office, on and off.  Partially because of the emotions from last night, I'm sure, but now I think it is JUNK food withdrawal.  It is a fine line though isn't it.  I had a healthy breakfast.  But then I get to the point where I would have a snack.  Because I was so upset I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to start that cycle in general.  Yes, may have started with a healthy snack, but maybe then dominoed out of control. I hated the thought that I had to fight that thought.  But then I could feel my blood sugar get low, and the "Snicker Joe" (from the Snicker's commercial with Joe P in it) effect comes in.  When I’m moody because I haven't had anything.  The withdrawal moods was feeding the snicker joe effect.  I was crying more and getting nowhere.  One was making the other worse.  Because I recognized the snicker joe effect, and I can't be snappy at work, I ended up having some melon.  Then I started to think clearly again.  Even though I still wanted the Full Fat Vanilla Latter as comfort, I'm trying not to submit to it. 

I wonder how long these withdrawals are for.  And if I have anything sweet, is that going to reset the clock, like quitting smoking, you can make it x many hours but then you end up having one, and then you have to go through the pains of getting to that point again to see if you can make it further.  Is giving up junk food going to open old wounds that have been covered by emotional eating?  Things have been buried so long I don't even know what might come up. 

So far I'm getting through today; I might try and plan my calories so I can have a coffee with some cream and one sugar in it, instead of black. Is that giving in though?

I'm now done my lunch of a large salad and some pretzels.  My stomach is trying to tell me I'm still hungry.  Can I convince it to SHUT UP?  I should be relatively full.  Maybe I can trick it with water. 

I'm on day 12 of recording EVERYTHING.  The first 8 days was getting most things under control, understanding how much I had been eating.  Of the past four days I have been under two, close on one, and not too bad on the other.  It is hard to keep in mind it does get better.  Food is not the answer it is the fuel, other than that it is baggage you literally have to carry with you everywhere.  I have to keep in mind I am trying to shed that extra baggage that I have been carrying.  I guess that means I need to shed some emotional baggage I didn't even know I was carrying. 

#10 I resisted again today (03/29/12)

Today, I was offered a Girl Guide cookie.  Today, I resisted the temptation and said No Thank you.  Maybe they are finally losing their grip on me.  Or maybe I'm getting a hold of myself and my eating habits.  Either way, today was a good fight against the Girl Guide cookies. 

 As a note, I like Girl Guides, I was one once. And I like to try and support them; I have bought my box for this season.  My goal is to make that box last until the next cookie drive in the fall. 

#8 Conflicting Information & Sugars (03/28/12)

Well, there is so much conflicting information out there.  You can never be sure.  The only thing you can be sure of is what your body is telling you. 

Prime example is, WW versus MFP.  Calories I'm over. But based on points I'm way under.  I'm beginning to feel better all around though.  So I'm using both systems as a tool, but not a strict ruling thumb.  Going through this and logging EVERYTHING. It is making me look, and think however, which in the end is the most important rule.  Think about everything you are eating.  But don't let it become obsessive.  Once portion sizes become a habit (not quite there yet) then hopefully things can relax a bit.  I don't want to have kids that become obsessive over food in the opposite I have been either. Extreme eating, bad, extreme starvation bad.  Everything needs balance, and that is what I hope to have as a natural habit for when I have kids.

I do need to bring into balance my processed sugar intake though, that is the next thing to work on.  Even if you look at my totals for the day, I'm ALWAYS over on sugar and ALWAYS will be.  Why, because even healthy foods have natural sugar.  I was looking at my basic day, of intake and it is 68-72 grams of sugar from natural sources.  For those who don't believe here is the breakdown of the natural foods I have on a regular week day. 

1.  Breakfast (New plan, used to be Slim fast shakes, too much added sugar)
• Dempsters 12 grain or flax whole bread 2 pc = 4 grams
• Plain no fat yogurt on the toast = 4 grams
• Strawberries or blueberries on the toast = 4-5 grams
2. Lunch
• Veggie Salad with Cottage cheese, my recipe measured ingredients include: Broccoli, cauliflower, red peppers, grated carrots, cucumber, grape tomatoes, celery, 1% cottage cheese, fat free miricle whip = 21 grams.  (4 from the fat free miricle whip, but not sure if that is natural or added or combination)
3. Dinner
• Dinners definitely vary.  Example for this purpose is yesterday.  Turkey taco salad.  = 16 Grams all from the veggies in the salsa.  No sugar added on that salsa
4. Healthy portion of my snacks (Note, I do have other snacks that aren't as healthy, but these are usual from my work day.)
• Cantaloupe = 14 Grams
• Prunes = 4-8

The recommended sugar intake is about 30 Grams.  The above is super health from my understanding but still has sugar.  It is hard to monitor your added sugar intake based on that suggestion. I guess I just need to be aware of my additional snacks that are above and beyond the natural sugars in my foods. 

Maybe I need to look closer at the bigger picture on nutrients; percentages. 

For averages you need 55% from Carbs, 15% Protein and 30% Fat. From the day that I took the above detail, then add the additional not 100% natural foods my percentages were 61% Carbs, 20% Fat and 19% protein.  This does show I went over in carbs because of my additional sugar.  I won't lie.  I had a sugary dessert that night which is where my calories went over. 

Today, when I had lunch, and wanted something sweet, instead of having my serving of sweet cereal, or the Girl Guide cookies that are trying to call my name from my co-worker's desk, I'm having a caramel rice cake.  I'm loosening the grip the Girl Guide cookies have on me.  Resisting them.  (See previous post regarding Girl Guide cookies)