#131 Sperm Relief (09/17/12)

As mentioned before in #126, our sperm donor is no longer in the system.  I was getting very stressed over having enough chances to have two pregnancies.  Originally my wife and I said, we would try three times each to get pregnant, otherwise, we would adopt, thus in the end would need 6 vials from the same donor.  We didn’t purchase all at the same time, and should have. 

Today, I got an email from our sperm bank, leading me to believe we could buy more, but do it soon.  I thought there was some mass confusion on this, so I emailed back to double check. They responded there are the last 3 vials available; please respond soon as there are other clients interested in them.  I emailed and texted my wife urgent to call me to double check with her.  I have just placed the order to have the remaining three we wanted/needed.  That is a huge perfect birthday present for me.  I am just tearing up waiting for the response that the vials will be ours. 

There is always a chance that I won’t get pregnant in three tries, or my wife won’t get pregnant in three tries or we both could get pregnant on the first try and have extra, but then we are covered for more kids if needed.  Our original plan was to each try three goes and go from there.  We should have just stuck to that and purchased the 6 right off the bat.  But at least now, we have the “supplies” to follow our original plan. 

I guess now I need to book the acupuncture and massages to give things every chance they have. 

I just got the email from the bank.  The order has been placed and the sperm will be in transit to Canada.  They will hold at their location until we order a transfer to Calgary.  Woohoo.  My nerves are still a little bit on edge, until they get here and we have paid for them, but this has helped tremendously. 

#126 Catch Up (09/10/12)

Well, it has been over a week since my last post.  First major concern, last Friday, I found out, or donor for sperm is no longer in the system, and may not have sperm available for second pregnancies.  We are now having regrets not purchasing the full six at the time of purchase.  Alas, all things happen for a reason.  We will see how things go.  But it was a shock to our planning.  We are soon going to blitz through the sperm banks again and look for CMV positive donors as well, as a possible to save the current purchased items for my wife who needs CMV negative.  There are multiple options, but while we have the subscriptions for full profiles, we might as well use it. 

For the past week my wife, my MIL and I have been on vacation.  We went on a Cruise to Alaska.  It was a fantastic experience.  I had been worried about sea sickness, as I’m very prone to motion sickness in general, and while in Mexico, on various excursions on boats, experienced it to a varying degree.  Alas, I had my herbal Gravol in my pocket and took it when needed and was good to go.  I’ll post a few more pictures in a few days, with a bit more detail of our trip.  But here is one of a bear crossing our pathway while at a park in Juneau, and a rainbow we saw while on our boat.

The cruise was a floating buffet, so it was hard not be eat a lot.  It was diet killing, but worth it, I think.  In the end, I gained about 6 pounds, hopefully I can burn then off quickly.  Not holding my breath though, but will be working on it diligently. 

It seems Sunday was a day of days.  We got off to a slow start to have a morning to relax, watch some TV and started laundry.  While we were going through flyers to make up our shopping list we got a call from my FIL.  My MIL had slipped in a grocery store and was being attended by EMS and would be taken to the hospital, he just didn’t know which one yet.  Thankfully nothing got broken, but did end up with a lot of pulled ligaments in the back/inside of her legs. 

In the evening, while I was trying to take out the food processor to cut celery and cucumber for lunches, I sliced my thumb pretty good.  I yelled out ouch, and my wife yelled if I was ok, from upstairs, and I said “Not really.”  I had managed to get to the sink before blood started flowing quickly, but couldn’t get anything to put over it to stop the bleeding.  She rushed in and handed me some paper towel to be able to get me to the first aid station in our house upstairs.  We were on the debate on stitches or not, but once my thumb was above my heart for a while it stopped bleeding, one trip to emergency in a family per day is plenty.  So she put on a make shift butterfly bandage and taped/splinted me up so I couldn’t move my thumb and bust open again.  By this time it was after 10:00 pm and we still hadn’t had dinner, my MIL didn’t want the casserole I had made, she only wanted mushroom soup, so we made her some, then dished out the casserole for the three of us and took the plates/bowls to their house. 

While we were there, MIL finally reached the point where she needed some pain killers.  She hates taking anything, even for a headache.  So my wife went to our house to get something for her.  While there she let out the dogs for a quick run outside.  When she went to let them in something happened.  And this part is a good chuckle, only because he is ok.  My dog Tuffy was running full board into the house, but he missed the first step by a hair and ran straight into the slate riser.  It resulted in a temporary TKO (Total Knock Out).  My wife said Eep, and while she was wondering what to do, he regained consciousness.  He was a little wobbly for a bit, but seemed fine otherwise.  The story reminds me of a Tom and Jerry cartoon, so I have to chuckle. 

Now we are finally back on track, ready to work off the cruise pounds and process crab apple trees, browse sperm, and follow up when my Polyp surgery is.  Never a moment to say, what should we do today, there is always a long list of things to keep us busy. 

#124 Polyp Results (08/28/12)

Well, yesterday was very stressful for me.  After all was said and done, nothing different from what I had suspected.  I really need to keep my stressing in check.  Last night, after the muscle relaxants wore off, my stomach was not happy at all, that is the first place stress shows for me. 

Well back to the appointment in general.  It was supposed to be a quick appointment.  But, it wasn’t.  First off they did the follicle count again.  This time I got to see things, as they had a monitor on the wall for me to watch.  Today, I had 5 on my left, and 9 on my right for a total of 14 (last time I had 15). Even though one less, I’m still above normal, so good to go on that front. 

The SHG was a little different from what I had thought.  I thought the ultrasound was put into the uterus, but the catheter is just to add fluid so they can see the uterus better with the tranvaginal ultrasound; same wand that is used for the follicle count.  They once again saw the probably polyp.  Once they were finished looking, my doctor told me to go over to his office across the building and tell the receptionist that he wanted to see me.  I told him I had to pay for additional parking.  My appointment was supposed to be 10-15 maybe 20 minutes.  I was all ready at an hour between waiting, change into gown, waiting, test one, waiting, test two. 

Once more parking was paid for I went to my doctor’s office.  He explained what he saw, they polyp looked to be 8 mm in its highest diameter, with an average of 5mm.  He said it isn’t too big.  Now normally his patients, are people having issues with fertility, in which, a polyp might be a hindrance.  But the only reason he is our doctor, is the fact we are missing the crucial item, sperm.  Many people have polyps and get pregnant, and have no issues and deliver a perfectly healthy baby.  However people with polyps do have a higher rate of miscarriages. 

He then went on to tell me the surgery procedure, a little scary, and what the possible complications or issues could be, although small rates of issues.  The way he explained things, it was very detailed, but also very understandable, so that was nice, and I felt I had all the information to make a good decision.  He then asked if I wanted to have the surgery.  I told him I would follow his recommendation.  The doctor then asked me “If I weren’t to give you a recommendation, what would you like to do?” and I said “Have it removed.”  He had mentioned what I had been thinking, every time we tried to get pregnant (at a hefty cost each time), and didn’t succeed, I would be thinking, is the polyp the cause? 

End result, I should be getting a phone call in the next couple days to schedule surgery. 

#119 Too Much (08/21/12)

Do you ever feel like there is just too much going on?  Like you are juggling and you start with one ball, then add another, and anther.  Three balls not too bad, but then more keep coming, you keep adding to the circle of balls you are juggling until you feel if anything else comes at you everything will come crashing down. 

Crohn’s is somewhat new to my life.  My mom lived with it from her 20’s and in the end died from a spinoff of the disease.  It is funny though, it never seemed to be a topic of discussion in our house growing up.  I knew she didn’t eat green vegetables as they hurt her stomach, and a few other things here and there.  She occasionally had to have Boost meal drinks on top of her meals to help boost her calories.  Over the years she had multiple surgeries to remove pieces of her intestine.  I’m pretty sure she was on prentizone to help manage the crohn’s.  Even though I lived with someone majorly affected by crohn’s all of my juvenile life, I don’t know much about the disease, probably more than the general population, but not much.  Now that I have it, (one juggle), my Virgo self needs to research it (two juggle). 

In the attempt to lose weight (three juggle) in order to get pregnant (four juggle) my wife and I are eating healthy, which is helping for the diet requirement for Crohn’s which was suggested, basically eat from the Canada Food Guide, and minimize animal fats. Originally I didn’t think that was much of an issue, but my wife brought up the question “Does that include dairy and eggs?”  In our house that is a major source of protein. Thus we may have possible major changes in diet (five juggle), but at the very lease tracking my diet through My Fitness Pal back to a higher degree of accuracy to get a better view of my macros, including the vitamins I take to make sure I’m getting the nutrients I need, especially for when I’m pregnant.

Also along the trying to get pregnant list, the polyp is the next issue (six juggle). Not a major thing (hopefully), but still something bugging my noodle. 

Then we have the general living category, learning to can fruit and deal with a mass harvest (seven juggle).  My job, thankfully isn’t that stressful, but does occupy a fair amount of my day (eight juggle), preparing the house for before I get pregnant (pre nesting), like personalizing the master bedroom (nine) organizing our storage (ten), clearing out non essentials to make room for baby stuff (eleven), preparing for the cruise (twelve).  That is a dozen things up in the air right now, some more stressful than others; the last one a good one, but we’ve never been on a cruise so I don’t know what to prep for. This is all stuff that is either a have to deal with or really want to deal with but I’m feeling very overwhelmed.  I just feel I could sleep for a week to let things settle in my head then have a game plan.  But for the most part, everything is happening as it happens.  As long as the dozen juggles doesn’t turn into a baker’s dozen before the cruise, I think the cruise will give me the much needed rest from the regular day to day to come back with Vim and Vigor to attack the next thing that needs to be dealt with.

#116 Donor Update and Random Thoughts (08/16/12)

Our choice donor has had 34 babies, as mentioned before.  The new information is 18 of them are girls and 16 are boys.  So a pretty even split gender-wise.  Also, the other news is, only one set of twins.  The twins are probably due to fertility drugs of IVF, thus this may help my twin thoughts calm down a little. 

Yesterday, due to the doctor update, it seemed old habits die hard.  I stress ate a lot of food during the day, and had a non healthy dinner.  It was only by luck that we ran out of time to be able to have desert.  Over eating, under watering, and bloating starting, the weigh in tomorrow isn’t going to be good. 

My wife thinks I write too much, but for me it is like being able to catch thoughts before they are gone, as well as articulate my thoughts, as verbally, I don’t do well.  Even after I’ve written about my thoughts, if you ask me to tell you about them, they are ether gone, unless I read them, or I just can’t really tell you without referring to my notes as such.  I would make a horrible public speaker. 

I’m doing better in general about the stress of the doctor follow up on Monday.  Still a little stressed though.  At least we are doing something about the problem instead of ignoring it.  As for the pain in my leg, I am coming to think, somehow, it may be tired to period related symptoms.  I’m going to monitor the frequency, and what not over the next few months and figure out what it may be tied to.  We have ruled out Sciatica in the past with back X-Rays.  Might still be the end result and not quite caught on the x-rays, but I’ll see if I can track the pain and when it is worse and better. 

#115 So close, yet so far (08/16/12)

It seems as my wife and I are getting closer to trying to get pregnant, something else comes up.  First major obstacle before even discussing was my wife quitting smoking.  That was a very stressful period for both of us.  But yippee, she has quit and been smoke free for almost five months. 

Next, get our diet under control so pregnancy wouldn’t be as difficult on the body.  For the same five months, we have been working on that, each of us down about 15 pounds.  (Her a little more, me a little less.) Doing that while trying to get over the quitting smoking, not necessarily the best plan of attack, but it also helped with post smoking weight gain.  She didn’t really gain any afterwards, just took a long time to get the ball rolling to start losing.  This was another stressful point of contention. 

Now, we have things timed out, figured when would be best to start trying, saving money/paying down debt to be able to afford the venture of putting a bun in the oven.  Next road blocks.  Months ago I went in for a colonoscopy, not a fun experience, but a requirement due to issues I had with my stomach.  As a follow to that my doctor recommended a specialized ultrasound to look at my small intestines, specifically for Crohn’s.  The wait list for that was a long time.  The office that handles such ultrasounds sent a letter shortly after my colonoscopy (back in February) to book an appointment in August.  So that trouble was put to the back of my mind. 

On back to back Wednesday, I had an HSG which informed me that I had a polyp, “We’ll discuss at the follow up appointment whether to take it out or not.” Then I had the Crohn’s ultrasound which informed me that I have an inflamed area of my small intestine.  The contrast test took a long time to get the IV in, not fun, my veins don’t cooperate. 

The next Wednesday was the follow up for the fertility clinic, in which appointment, I found out I need to go for an additional ultrasound, which actually goes into my uterus, to have a better look at the polyp, which is about a centimeter in diameter.  When I first saw a blip on the HSG, that I assumed was the polyp, I thought it was fairly small in comparison, but I guess that is just where it attaches.  The fertility doctor showed me the actual possible polyp (might be just dye disturbance, but unlikely).  To me, that polyp is centre stage in my uterus taking up a large portion of the vital space that would be holding the fetus/baby. 

Now back to the Crohn’s ultrasound, I know I’m even having difficulty keeping track.  Because we are nearing, at a snail’s pace, the possibility of insemination, my fertility doctor mentioned that I should follow up with the Crohn’s doctor before we even try, and let them know I’m nearing the TTC stage of my life.  Well, as of today, I still hadn’t heard anything, so I gave the Gastrologist a call.  Talking with the receptionist, they had received the results a few days ago, and she was going to call me today.  Due to a cancellation she was able to fit me in Monday, but I needed to get additional blood work done before the appointment.  So she faxed the paperwork off to my nearest lab, and off I went this afternoon.  Once again it was a bit of a nightmare trying to draw blood.  Seven and a half vials, five people, and two pokes later I was done.  At least people didn’t just “Try.”  They gave up after putting the tourniquet on my arm, then my other arm, then back to the first, then on my hands, then got the next higher up person to try.  Third person in managed to get 2 vials, but then on the third my vein collapsed, hence the half comment.  Two of the things they were looking at were my blood count, and Celiac.  At least I don’t have to wait too long before my appointment to get the results. 

Between the probably removal of the polyp, and maybe getting my stomach under control, our first insemination is looking to be delayed by another month or two or three, who knows maybe indefinitely and we will have to try my wife first, once my health is moderately under control. 

That is my vent for today.  I went for fantisizing/fear the possibility of twins to having that pulled farther away.  Even though I knew something was up after the Crohn’s ultrasound and the HSG, it is hard to hear you need more tests to figure out what is wrong.  It just sucks that anything is wrong in the first place.  Maybe the polyp was the reason there was never any accidental pregnancies with my first husband, maybe my inflamed area is why there have been a couple times I am doubled in pain, in bed in the fetal position for the night, do I want to pass these defective genes to the next generation.  We picked a hopefully perfect specimen for the sperm donor, but I’m really not a prime candidate for passing my genes.  After I had our last fertility appointment, I looked into egg donation.  See if that is something that is required, as we can’t donate sperm to help another couple in need, but we do technically have eggs.  But in the end, I wouldn’t want anyone to have the health issues I have, so I am doing a favor by not donating eggs. 

PS: To add to the frustration factor, I’m on PMS.  AAAARRRGGG

#112 Motivation (08/15/12)

It seems that the news of our donor being fertile and having 34 babies worldwide has lit a fire under my bum.  I went for my walk on my lunch which was a little over 2000 steps.  It was a nice day.  I’m in a very good mood today, and practically vibrating.  Tonight I’m really hoping to get a good workout in.  We have been slacking in that department a lot.  Getting into the habit of walking at lunch is helping, now I need to get back into the habit of working out in the evenings. 

Last night was a bit of a gong show.  Mum and my wife were pitting cherries when I got home, so I cooked an easy dinner of perogies. While the cherries were cooking, everyone went to disassemble Ikea the shelves that my MIL is giving us for the books in our basement.  I stayed home to start cleaning the kitchen and cutting fruit for dehydrating.  Once the shelves were done, the piano arrived.  They were a bit late arriving, but having to travel through a bad rain storm from Fernie, not too bad.  Alas, by the time we were done fruit, pinao, and shelving, it was time to relax for a little bit and head off to bed, thus meaning, no workout.  I was hoping to get one in, but sometimes life happens. 

Let’s hope this new information keeps reverberating in my head and keeps the bounce in my bum. 

#111 New Donor Information (08/15/12)

When we were first shopping for sperm, I emailed Xytex regarding our donor choice.  There was a delay in the send due to an email issue, so I didn’t hear back right away.  Alas this morning I got some shocking news.  The donor all ready has 34 family units worldwide.  That is all ready, 34 half siblings that our possible bambino has.  That also puts us closer to the max of 40, which makes is important to have enough sperm to get preggers.  If we don’t get pregnant on the first three goes, and he has reached the maximum of 40 before we get the next purchase, we won’t be able to, which we would have to go through the shopping stress again. 

It was a shock though, to think that even though our donor has only been in the system for a year ish, all ready has 34 babies.  That does put high hopes on the fact he has proven sperm, now the stress lies on my body to be primed and ready and welcoming.  I think I need to practice meditation to help me be Zen the day of insemination to help my body welcome his active sperm. 

It will be hard to rationalize the fact that, if we get pregnant with this donor, there will be at least 40 siblings worldwide.  That is a huge family reunion.  We do plan on doing Donor Sibling Registry, so that could be interesting.  Hopefully most of the families decide to do the same. 

#110 Chosen our donor (08/14/12)

The journey to find sperm has been a stressful one.  It’s one thing to meet someone, and have the chemistry and know, “I want to have kids with this person.” But when you’re just looking at what they wrote and a picture or two, not as easy.  In the end between the two donors we had narrowed it down to, we chose the one from Xytex. 

As mentioned in Sperm Stress Continued, I had put it out there to the powers that be, if one sperm were available and one wasn’t, that was a large deciding factor.  For the Seattle donor, there was only three left to be released this year, and for further requirement timeframe was unknown, as he was out of the country.  The added bonus to Xytex donor was the fact he all ready has confirmed pregnancies, not sure how many, but has been confirmed.  So, now it is down to my real estate being possibly cleaned out of the polyp, healing for an undetermined amount of time and we are on our way for the first try. 

In the end we just did a pre-purchase of three sperm.  The risk loss of return was too high.  If you want to return any sperm (that hasn’t left the sperm bank) you only get 50% return, and you only have one year to do it.  The benefit of buying in bulk is $120 total, and one year of free storage.  In the end, as part of the fees for Calgary Fertility Clinic, you get one year of storage anyway, and we are going at least three tries.  If we get pregnant on the first go, then the remaining two will be for when my wife tried in about a year or so.  If she needs more, then we will figure things out. 

WE HAVE SPERM.  One less thing on our to do list, and that much closer to getting pregnant.

#107 Sperm Stress Continued (08/13/12)

Continued from my previous post Sperm Stress, the stress continues.  Well, the Free Trial from Xytex wasn’t quite the trial we thought it was.  You did get a look at their detailed profile, however there was an important thing missing, viewing the photos.  So we signed up for the Ultra Unlimited Package at about another $200.  After paying $300 for the main banks that had any choices within our criteria, we had about 45 donors to choose from.  As stressful as it can be trying to choose sperm, seeing facial features, and stance as an adult helps immensely.  At this point, after analysing profiles and pictures, we have it narrowed down to two options.  One from Seattle, and one from Xytex.    It is a hard choice between the two though.  The thought of “What if we make the wrong choice?” keeps running though our head.  Yesterday I said, if one of the two wasn’t available, I would be fine with the other option. 

Today I called Outreach Sperm Bank to see what the availability is for our top two.  The one from Xytex is available in the 6 pack we want, washed, currently in Canada.  The one from Seattle isn’t.  Outreach is contacting the Seattle sperm bank to see if/when our choice has any being store there or if any more is coming soon.  The choice from Xytex does have confirmed pregnancies, not only with Xytex, but with Outreach.  Outreach is finding out if the Seattle choice has any confirmed pregnancies.  Availabilities may make the final choice for us, and I am still ok with that.  If they are both available, it is going to be a hard decision. 

On this phone call, I found out something fairly alarming.  Before a donor is retired, they can have 40 family units globally.  That is HUGE possible extended family worldwide, plus the fact each family unit can have more than one child. 

#106 Sperm Stress (08/10/12)

The order for the long for donor profiles has been processed by Outreach Sperm Bank.  I have been jumping on my email like a cat on a hot tin roof.  Check, no emails, wait, check, no emails, check One email, YES, damn, just a uniform email from my union, check, no emails, check, YAY email from Outreach, order has been processed.  Now I’m waiting for an email for my requested donors profiles, I think from the emails it will be sent, and I don’t need to send in an additional request.  I hope. 

The point to this story is, this is a small wait in comparison to the TWW (Two Week Wait).  I’m this anxious waiting and excited about being able to choose sperm, I am going to have to practice major meditation to be able to get through the TWW. 

Just got the first few profiles, EXCITED.  Couldn’t wait till home, I opened had a quick glance at the pictures then forwarded to my wife. 

#105 Sperm options got bigger (08/10/12)

As discussed before regarding sperm, our options are limited because of the requirement of CMV negative.  When we were looking at Outreach Sperm Bank I had thought being in Canada the Seattle and European banks weren’t available due to restrictions.  I was looking on their website again today and read something that peaked my interest to suggest otherwise.  It turns out the reason I can’t look at any details is reporting requirements that aren’t available online for those banks, but they are open for shipping to Canada.  YAY.  Downside, to see any information about these donors, you need to either pay a per profile fee, or subscribe for three months for $99.95 plus taxes.  You then request which donors you want to look at, and can be as broad as, all Caucasians, that are C-.  So I think we will do that to be able to see all of our options. 

#103 Choosing Sperm (08/09/12)

Now that we have our parameters for sperm I decided to put together a reduced list of our options, based on open identity, and my wife’s desire to have a sperm donor over 6’ tall, and Negative CMV donor, and my preference for blue or green eyes with a decent medical history.  I just didn’t realize how restrictive that would be, of all available donors in Canada (Canada has a restriction that donors must NOT be paid for their services, which rules out a lot of donors from US sperm banks). 

The temporary short list of donors is about 16.  That is a very short list, and we haven’t seen any photos yet as that might rule out a bunch more and medical history isn’t known yet as we haven’t subscribed to look at detailed profiles either.  This put a large worry on me that we will be “settling” for sperm.  I have enough bad health traits that I will be passing on, I hope to give my children the best possible chance by giving healthy sperm that is of desired traits.  We are sperm snobs and very picky.  This is a stressful decision.   I didn’t think we would be so limited, I thought it would be hard to get a “short” list of options.  I don’t want either of us to settle, let’s hope this short list provides something that is perfect for us.