#125 Common Courtesy (08/29/12)

Last night, I finally made time to workout.  It was mostly Wii Stepping, but the total workout was about 45 minutes.  But today, I’m hungry.  I had breakfast on the way to work, and as soon as I was done, I was still hungry.  I’ve been putting off starting to snack, but now I’m edging on Snicker Joe.   

At 11:00 I finally gave in and had my pretzels.  Snicker Joe is slowly leaving my head alone. 

The weather was pretty nice today at lunch, not too hot with a bit of cool wind, thus I was able to go for a fairly long walk at lunch.  On my lunch, I saw a store that sold gates, I swung over to have a look, but they aren’t officially open though.  Alas the point to this paragraph, on my way out of the parking lot, a lady driving by stopped to ask if I was lost.  I explained I was just stopping as a point of curiosity on my walk and away she went.  It is refreshing that someone saw that I might be lost, and took the time to stop and make sure I was ok.  It was a small act of kindness, but didn’t go unnoticed.  That kind of act used to be a common courtesy, but now a day’s not so much.  I think I will try and pay forward the favour. 

Side note:  Today I went to www.proudparenting.com it is a slightly aggressive gay parenting sight.  But the think I learned, Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser is gay.  Now I know, it makes sense, but the thought had never crossed my mind.  My gaydar for lesbians has always been on the fritz, makes it very difficult to be a lesbian.  It’s a blessing I now have my wife (originally met on line) and will never have to make that decision again. 

#124 Polyp Results (08/28/12)

Well, yesterday was very stressful for me.  After all was said and done, nothing different from what I had suspected.  I really need to keep my stressing in check.  Last night, after the muscle relaxants wore off, my stomach was not happy at all, that is the first place stress shows for me. 

Well back to the appointment in general.  It was supposed to be a quick appointment.  But, it wasn’t.  First off they did the follicle count again.  This time I got to see things, as they had a monitor on the wall for me to watch.  Today, I had 5 on my left, and 9 on my right for a total of 14 (last time I had 15). Even though one less, I’m still above normal, so good to go on that front. 

The SHG was a little different from what I had thought.  I thought the ultrasound was put into the uterus, but the catheter is just to add fluid so they can see the uterus better with the tranvaginal ultrasound; same wand that is used for the follicle count.  They once again saw the probably polyp.  Once they were finished looking, my doctor told me to go over to his office across the building and tell the receptionist that he wanted to see me.  I told him I had to pay for additional parking.  My appointment was supposed to be 10-15 maybe 20 minutes.  I was all ready at an hour between waiting, change into gown, waiting, test one, waiting, test two. 

Once more parking was paid for I went to my doctor’s office.  He explained what he saw, they polyp looked to be 8 mm in its highest diameter, with an average of 5mm.  He said it isn’t too big.  Now normally his patients, are people having issues with fertility, in which, a polyp might be a hindrance.  But the only reason he is our doctor, is the fact we are missing the crucial item, sperm.  Many people have polyps and get pregnant, and have no issues and deliver a perfectly healthy baby.  However people with polyps do have a higher rate of miscarriages. 

He then went on to tell me the surgery procedure, a little scary, and what the possible complications or issues could be, although small rates of issues.  The way he explained things, it was very detailed, but also very understandable, so that was nice, and I felt I had all the information to make a good decision.  He then asked if I wanted to have the surgery.  I told him I would follow his recommendation.  The doctor then asked me “If I weren’t to give you a recommendation, what would you like to do?” and I said “Have it removed.”  He had mentioned what I had been thinking, every time we tried to get pregnant (at a hefty cost each time), and didn’t succeed, I would be thinking, is the polyp the cause? 

End result, I should be getting a phone call in the next couple days to schedule surgery. 

#123 Pinnacle Pregnancy Point (08/27/12)

Today is my SHG to determine if the polyp is a polyp, and whether it needs to be evacuated from my uterus. 

Today is the day we find out if we are good to go as planned, or if there is going to be another delay. 

Today is the day that I get another invasive ultrasound.

Today is the day I find out if my body is ready for me to become a mom.  (My mind is still in debate.) 

Today my head is going in circles.  I’m trying to calm myself down, and say that today is no different than yesterday, but it’s not.

In two hours my wife and I will know if we are closer to becoming moms. 

#122 What have I lost? (08/24/12)

Today I caught a blog on MPF titled Perspective (You may or may not be able to see due to privacy.)  Here is a quote. 

Let's say you have a goal to lose 150 pounds.

It's been months and you've worked hard and have shed 60 pounds.

That's great!

Except, well, you realize that you still have another 90 pounds to go and that just seems incredibly daunting and it can get pretty depressing.

Do this:

Go to the grocery store and stop by the pet food aisle.

You know those 20-pound bags of dog food? Pick one up.

Then pick another one up.

Go ahead and try to pick one more up.

It's heavy and tiring, isn't it?

You used to carry that much extra weight around on your body EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Well, I haven’t lost that much weight, I’m only at the 14 pound mark.  Today when I logged onto MFP I hit my 160 days.  That is around the world twice.  For the past couple months my weight loss had stalled, and I know why.  When I started this journey (a few months before MFP) I was about 312 pounds.  If I wasn’t working on weight loss, I probably would have gained about a pound a month at least, as that was the relative trend I was on.  Thus, I would now weight about 320 pounds.  That is a scary number. 

Currently I weight about 298 pounds, and even from my start weight, I have lost 14 pounds.  To me, that means I have lost a Gizmo (My dog).  She weighs about the 14 pound mark. 

  

                                           The grey one                                                                        Her all Stretched out

She is squirmy, lumpy, and whiney.   Just like the weight I’ve lost.  My wobbly bits are a bit less lumpy, and my body is a little less whiney when I’m climbing stairs or walking etc.  Even though she is very lean, and I hope I have lost mostly fat units, it is still putting things into perspective. 

So the answer to what have I lost?  A Gizmo. 

#121 Crohn’s (08/23/12)

Am I being over paranoid?  My stomach/intestine area haven’t been happy go lucky for a fair amount of time now.  I don’t really remember when it was normal, as I don’t really know what normal is.  Today, I’m not in pain, just mild discomfort near my right pelvic area.  It is not distinguished enough to really know it is my intestines, or end of period cramps.  It does seem like a not quite right area for typical menstrual cramps, but at the same token I have never really paid this much attention to my stomach.  Relatively, it is “Oh, I have cramps,” or “My stomach isn’t too happy today.” 

Now that I know I have Crohn’s, am I over analyzing every little pang my stomach makes? 

#120 Timing (08/22/12)

Today my stomach is getting used to the medications for Crohn’s (hopefully).  That is a slight worry off my plate. 

In the weight loss category I’m still not working out as I should.  Life and sometimes lack of energy gets in the way.  I know, I know, the more active you are the more energy you have, but it is a vicious cycle to break.  Regarding food, I am starving today.  Not too sure why though.  It is only 11:00 and I’ve had my morning honey pretzels, and some melon, but I feel I could eat a full meal between now and lunch.  My possible theory on this is, my digestion is finally returning to normal cycles, so things are moving through, this then leaves my stomach empty sooner.  I think before I eat anything else, I’ll have a couple glasses of water. 

Tonight I’m trying to schedule workout time, but we are also going to a store that is closing out, in order to purchase stuff for Christmas Shoeboxes, (we like to put together between 10-20 boxes each year, so we purchase stuff as it is on sale, ie back to school sales for pencils, crayons etc, boxing week for Barbies and Hot Wheels, or when stores are closing out for whatever they may sell that goes into our very tightly packed shoeboxes) and might also try and finish picking the Nanking cherries before they start to go bad.  This will probably cut into our workout time. 

From yesterday I would like to note, I love my wife, and she makes me feel loved, she takes good care of me. 

Oh vegetables, how I have missed thee.  For the past week, we haven’t been having our veggie salad for lunch because we hadn’t been prepared and pre cut veggies.  We finally caught up on our other stuff enough to make time to cut veggies last night.  As I was eating my salad straight up (no dressing) my body was trying to say “This is glorious.”  Now I’m having my light desert of sorts which is cottage cheese and blueberries.  Also a missed item on my lunches. 

#119 Too Much (08/21/12)

Do you ever feel like there is just too much going on?  Like you are juggling and you start with one ball, then add another, and anther.  Three balls not too bad, but then more keep coming, you keep adding to the circle of balls you are juggling until you feel if anything else comes at you everything will come crashing down. 

Crohn’s is somewhat new to my life.  My mom lived with it from her 20’s and in the end died from a spinoff of the disease.  It is funny though, it never seemed to be a topic of discussion in our house growing up.  I knew she didn’t eat green vegetables as they hurt her stomach, and a few other things here and there.  She occasionally had to have Boost meal drinks on top of her meals to help boost her calories.  Over the years she had multiple surgeries to remove pieces of her intestine.  I’m pretty sure she was on prentizone to help manage the crohn’s.  Even though I lived with someone majorly affected by crohn’s all of my juvenile life, I don’t know much about the disease, probably more than the general population, but not much.  Now that I have it, (one juggle), my Virgo self needs to research it (two juggle). 

In the attempt to lose weight (three juggle) in order to get pregnant (four juggle) my wife and I are eating healthy, which is helping for the diet requirement for Crohn’s which was suggested, basically eat from the Canada Food Guide, and minimize animal fats. Originally I didn’t think that was much of an issue, but my wife brought up the question “Does that include dairy and eggs?”  In our house that is a major source of protein. Thus we may have possible major changes in diet (five juggle), but at the very lease tracking my diet through My Fitness Pal back to a higher degree of accuracy to get a better view of my macros, including the vitamins I take to make sure I’m getting the nutrients I need, especially for when I’m pregnant.

Also along the trying to get pregnant list, the polyp is the next issue (six juggle). Not a major thing (hopefully), but still something bugging my noodle. 

Then we have the general living category, learning to can fruit and deal with a mass harvest (seven juggle).  My job, thankfully isn’t that stressful, but does occupy a fair amount of my day (eight juggle), preparing the house for before I get pregnant (pre nesting), like personalizing the master bedroom (nine) organizing our storage (ten), clearing out non essentials to make room for baby stuff (eleven), preparing for the cruise (twelve).  That is a dozen things up in the air right now, some more stressful than others; the last one a good one, but we’ve never been on a cruise so I don’t know what to prep for. This is all stuff that is either a have to deal with or really want to deal with but I’m feeling very overwhelmed.  I just feel I could sleep for a week to let things settle in my head then have a game plan.  But for the most part, everything is happening as it happens.  As long as the dozen juggles doesn’t turn into a baker’s dozen before the cruise, I think the cruise will give me the much needed rest from the regular day to day to come back with Vim and Vigor to attack the next thing that needs to be dealt with.

#118 Fruit Trees Galore (08/20/12)

In case I haven’t quite mentioned this in my blog yet, between our house and MIL’s house we have a lot of fruit trees that need to be dealt with.  There are six apple/crap apple trees, one Nanking cherry tree, a Saskatoon (?) berry bush (still developing though), and two large trees yielding berries yet to be identified, maybe chokecherries. 

As a starter tool for something to use for this fruit we bought a dehydrator.  It took us a while to give it a go, but finally have tried it.  First round we made some strawberries, apples, and pears.  We need to tweak our strawberry process; they aren’t quite like the Special K Red berry version yet, but still taste nice on cereal.  The dried apples were good.  We left the peal on and they turned out nice.  Next time I think we will try and make apple chips and see what happens.  The surprise was the pears.  They were fantastic.  I can’t wait to make a LOT more of those.  Each food processor tray holds about two apples or pears or about one pound of strawberries. 

To help picking the nanking cherries we picked a cherry picker from Lee Valley Tools, as seen below. 

This is a fantastic tool.  I highly recommend it if you have berries en mass to pick and process.  In the process of learning to pit these lovely cherries my wife came up with the best method.  She would slightly crush the berries between two bowls of slightly different size, kind of like a pestle and mortar action on a larger scale.  She would then put them into another bowl for my MIL to take the pit out.  By crushing them first, this saved breaking the skin by hand and squirting juice across the table. 

On the first bunch of cherries we just boiled them down a bit and froze half of the portion and made the other half into a version of pudding that we usually make with rhubarb.  It was very good. 

On a more recent use of the food dehydrator, we made fruit leathers.  This was a good experience.  On the second batch of cherries, which we weighed this time to be around 10 pounds, we boiled again as above.  In one pot, though, we added pineapple, and some strawberries to the cherry mix.  Once both pots had cooled we put the mixed bunch into our blender and crushed it up.  It was still very sour due to the Nanking cherries, so we added some corn syrup, and blended some more.  For some reason part way through this exercise our blender started leaking out the bottom.  It had slightly come unscrewed. 

Once we got the flavour tamed a bit, we poured onto the sheets of the dehydrator.  I am very glad the dehydrator we got had a fruit leather liner for each tray.  On some of the trays we sprinkled coconut, and some shaved almonds, and one plain.  Originally we were going to freeze the other pot of just cherries, but ended up whipping that in the blender, adding corn syrup and making just a couple trays of just cherry flavour.  Then we still had some blended smoosh left.  My wife wanted to try and add some bananas.  (I can’t eat bananas, as they cause my stomach a lot of pain.)  So for the last two trays it was a banana/cherry mix with coconut or almonds. 

What did we learn from this experience? 

1.      Mixing a small amount of the cherries with some of the apple sauce I’m sure we will be making, in order to create the fruit leathers will be a good way to utilize the cherry flavor.  These leathers were very strong flavor so we can cut them down quite a bit with apples and or maybe trying melons, but the apples are free. 

2.      We need to watch the amount of corn syrup we put into the trying to be healthy snack. 

3.      Putting a small nut under the fruit sauce to create a peal spot is probably a good idea, but yet to be tested

4.      Don’t put too much sauce on the liners.  Put it in the middle then shake to even out, but if it is too much, or too close to the edges, it will leak over and make a mess. 

5.      Make sure the bottom of the blender is screwed on tightly, along with the top is on before you hit go. 

The next tool we purchased for handling the mass amount of apples is a food mill.  From what we have looked up the best way to process crab apples is to boil them whole until they are very soft.  Then put them through the food mill.  In theory the food mill will push the sauce through the mill, and keep the seeds and such in the mill to be cleared away. 

I think before we have MASS quantity ready, we will do a test bunch and see what happens.  If we wait, I have visions of I Love Lucy in the factory and things getting out of control and food getting everywhere.  The test will have to be before we head out on the Alaska Cruise at the beginning of September.  Stay tuned for Experiments in the Kitchen: Testing Crab Apples.

There is still more cherries to be picked though, trying the food mill on them might be the easiest way to get the pits out.  We’ll see.

#117 Crohns Diagnosis (08/20/12)

Well, today was the day.  I went for my follow up with the gastrologist regarding crohns.  This was part of my “So close, yet so far” post.   The good news is this shouldn’t affect my pregnancy.  The bad news is I have been diagnosed with Crohns.  Because of family history the minor issues have been treated seriously and testing was put through instead of put off.  It is because of the cautiousness of my doctor, it has been caught very early.  Right now there is just a small section of my small intestine that is slightly inflamed, and my blood levels are just a bit out of the normal. 

This news was a big of a blow, but not quite unexpected.  Today I will be picking up my first prescription of the first level medications for treatment/maintenance of crohns.  This medication, or a variation there of, I will probably be on for the rest of my life (or until possible cure in the future, but that is currently in dream stage).  The first level medications are a Class B, which is relatively safe to take during pregnancy.  This will hopefully reduce the inflammation, and keep my stomach in line for a long time, including in pregnancy.  The possible scary thing is, for people that get pregnant, one in three that have stomach issues will get worse during pregnancy or afterwards, if not in control of the issue in advance.  My doctor didn’t seem too concerned though because it has been caught early and isn’t doing any over and above damage, currently.  In this case, the sooner I get pregnant the better, before the disease has a chance to get worse (hopefully, if, not when). 

So, the next possible road block I need to handle before trying to get pregnant is the polyp.  Today is my day 1 of my cycle, which is right on schedule, so I will be having my SHG in the next 6-10 days to see what, if anything, needs to be done.

#116 Donor Update and Random Thoughts (08/16/12)

Our choice donor has had 34 babies, as mentioned before.  The new information is 18 of them are girls and 16 are boys.  So a pretty even split gender-wise.  Also, the other news is, only one set of twins.  The twins are probably due to fertility drugs of IVF, thus this may help my twin thoughts calm down a little. 

Yesterday, due to the doctor update, it seemed old habits die hard.  I stress ate a lot of food during the day, and had a non healthy dinner.  It was only by luck that we ran out of time to be able to have desert.  Over eating, under watering, and bloating starting, the weigh in tomorrow isn’t going to be good. 

My wife thinks I write too much, but for me it is like being able to catch thoughts before they are gone, as well as articulate my thoughts, as verbally, I don’t do well.  Even after I’ve written about my thoughts, if you ask me to tell you about them, they are ether gone, unless I read them, or I just can’t really tell you without referring to my notes as such.  I would make a horrible public speaker. 

I’m doing better in general about the stress of the doctor follow up on Monday.  Still a little stressed though.  At least we are doing something about the problem instead of ignoring it.  As for the pain in my leg, I am coming to think, somehow, it may be tired to period related symptoms.  I’m going to monitor the frequency, and what not over the next few months and figure out what it may be tied to.  We have ruled out Sciatica in the past with back X-Rays.  Might still be the end result and not quite caught on the x-rays, but I’ll see if I can track the pain and when it is worse and better. 

#115 So close, yet so far (08/16/12)

It seems as my wife and I are getting closer to trying to get pregnant, something else comes up.  First major obstacle before even discussing was my wife quitting smoking.  That was a very stressful period for both of us.  But yippee, she has quit and been smoke free for almost five months. 

Next, get our diet under control so pregnancy wouldn’t be as difficult on the body.  For the same five months, we have been working on that, each of us down about 15 pounds.  (Her a little more, me a little less.) Doing that while trying to get over the quitting smoking, not necessarily the best plan of attack, but it also helped with post smoking weight gain.  She didn’t really gain any afterwards, just took a long time to get the ball rolling to start losing.  This was another stressful point of contention. 

Now, we have things timed out, figured when would be best to start trying, saving money/paying down debt to be able to afford the venture of putting a bun in the oven.  Next road blocks.  Months ago I went in for a colonoscopy, not a fun experience, but a requirement due to issues I had with my stomach.  As a follow to that my doctor recommended a specialized ultrasound to look at my small intestines, specifically for Crohn’s.  The wait list for that was a long time.  The office that handles such ultrasounds sent a letter shortly after my colonoscopy (back in February) to book an appointment in August.  So that trouble was put to the back of my mind. 

On back to back Wednesday, I had an HSG which informed me that I had a polyp, “We’ll discuss at the follow up appointment whether to take it out or not.” Then I had the Crohn’s ultrasound which informed me that I have an inflamed area of my small intestine.  The contrast test took a long time to get the IV in, not fun, my veins don’t cooperate. 

The next Wednesday was the follow up for the fertility clinic, in which appointment, I found out I need to go for an additional ultrasound, which actually goes into my uterus, to have a better look at the polyp, which is about a centimeter in diameter.  When I first saw a blip on the HSG, that I assumed was the polyp, I thought it was fairly small in comparison, but I guess that is just where it attaches.  The fertility doctor showed me the actual possible polyp (might be just dye disturbance, but unlikely).  To me, that polyp is centre stage in my uterus taking up a large portion of the vital space that would be holding the fetus/baby. 

Now back to the Crohn’s ultrasound, I know I’m even having difficulty keeping track.  Because we are nearing, at a snail’s pace, the possibility of insemination, my fertility doctor mentioned that I should follow up with the Crohn’s doctor before we even try, and let them know I’m nearing the TTC stage of my life.  Well, as of today, I still hadn’t heard anything, so I gave the Gastrologist a call.  Talking with the receptionist, they had received the results a few days ago, and she was going to call me today.  Due to a cancellation she was able to fit me in Monday, but I needed to get additional blood work done before the appointment.  So she faxed the paperwork off to my nearest lab, and off I went this afternoon.  Once again it was a bit of a nightmare trying to draw blood.  Seven and a half vials, five people, and two pokes later I was done.  At least people didn’t just “Try.”  They gave up after putting the tourniquet on my arm, then my other arm, then back to the first, then on my hands, then got the next higher up person to try.  Third person in managed to get 2 vials, but then on the third my vein collapsed, hence the half comment.  Two of the things they were looking at were my blood count, and Celiac.  At least I don’t have to wait too long before my appointment to get the results. 

Between the probably removal of the polyp, and maybe getting my stomach under control, our first insemination is looking to be delayed by another month or two or three, who knows maybe indefinitely and we will have to try my wife first, once my health is moderately under control. 

That is my vent for today.  I went for fantisizing/fear the possibility of twins to having that pulled farther away.  Even though I knew something was up after the Crohn’s ultrasound and the HSG, it is hard to hear you need more tests to figure out what is wrong.  It just sucks that anything is wrong in the first place.  Maybe the polyp was the reason there was never any accidental pregnancies with my first husband, maybe my inflamed area is why there have been a couple times I am doubled in pain, in bed in the fetal position for the night, do I want to pass these defective genes to the next generation.  We picked a hopefully perfect specimen for the sperm donor, but I’m really not a prime candidate for passing my genes.  After I had our last fertility appointment, I looked into egg donation.  See if that is something that is required, as we can’t donate sperm to help another couple in need, but we do technically have eggs.  But in the end, I wouldn’t want anyone to have the health issues I have, so I am doing a favor by not donating eggs. 

PS: To add to the frustration factor, I’m on PMS.  AAAARRRGGG

#114 Twins on the Brain (08/16/12)

When I was with my ex husband, my main excuse for NOT having kids was “What if we have twins, we need to be REALLY ready.” (He was a twin.)  Now that my wife and I are this close to actually trying, the twin thought is popping in my head again.  Twins don’t run in my family, nor do they run in our donor’s family, but it seems that isn’t 100% fool proof of not having twins.  Our fertility doctor suggested not taking Clomid. (It is the usual fertility drug that stimulates ovulation, when getting IUI.) Because we are theoretically ovulating naturally Clomid only would increase the chance of twins, or eek the thought triplets. 

The idea of twins seems to be constant vortex of that would be neat with the smooshy feeling, and HELL NO, that would be too much on the first go round.  On my wife and I’s wedding night, a cousin of mine wished us to have many kids, and the first set to be TWINS.  She had her first set as twins and loved it, and then continued to have a total of four (maybe five, forgive my memory).  As a note, I did say twins don’t run in my family, and this cousin is not technically blood related.  If you have any belief in the concept of putting an idea our there for the universe to bring to you or who you wish it upon, then you can understand where my constant thinking regarding twins is coming from. 

Is this a normal, I want to say obsession but that seems too strong a word, thought?  So far I’ve read a few blogs of lesbians trying to conceive, but none of them have covered this nagging thought.  Maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself; we haven’t even gone in for the first round of IUI.  We are getting closer though.  In the end my wife and I will tackle any hurdle the universe throws at us.  Please let the limit be two-three if this is our challenge.  Our wish is for the baby (ies) to be healthy, and we will be doing everything in our power to help that come to fruition. 

#113 Good workout (08/16/12)

Yesterday I tried something new, the NHL training camp for Wii.  I was on the easy setting, not so easy though.  It was nice to work some muscles that don’t usually get used.  It was a laugh at some times.  Today, I’m feeling it though.  Before the NHL, I did some Wii Fit as well.  So, including my lunch time walk, Wii Fit, and NHL training, I worked out for over an hour yesterday.  It was a good workout day. 

#112 Motivation (08/15/12)

It seems that the news of our donor being fertile and having 34 babies worldwide has lit a fire under my bum.  I went for my walk on my lunch which was a little over 2000 steps.  It was a nice day.  I’m in a very good mood today, and practically vibrating.  Tonight I’m really hoping to get a good workout in.  We have been slacking in that department a lot.  Getting into the habit of walking at lunch is helping, now I need to get back into the habit of working out in the evenings. 

Last night was a bit of a gong show.  Mum and my wife were pitting cherries when I got home, so I cooked an easy dinner of perogies. While the cherries were cooking, everyone went to disassemble Ikea the shelves that my MIL is giving us for the books in our basement.  I stayed home to start cleaning the kitchen and cutting fruit for dehydrating.  Once the shelves were done, the piano arrived.  They were a bit late arriving, but having to travel through a bad rain storm from Fernie, not too bad.  Alas, by the time we were done fruit, pinao, and shelving, it was time to relax for a little bit and head off to bed, thus meaning, no workout.  I was hoping to get one in, but sometimes life happens. 

Let’s hope this new information keeps reverberating in my head and keeps the bounce in my bum. 

#111 New Donor Information (08/15/12)

When we were first shopping for sperm, I emailed Xytex regarding our donor choice.  There was a delay in the send due to an email issue, so I didn’t hear back right away.  Alas this morning I got some shocking news.  The donor all ready has 34 family units worldwide.  That is all ready, 34 half siblings that our possible bambino has.  That also puts us closer to the max of 40, which makes is important to have enough sperm to get preggers.  If we don’t get pregnant on the first three goes, and he has reached the maximum of 40 before we get the next purchase, we won’t be able to, which we would have to go through the shopping stress again. 

It was a shock though, to think that even though our donor has only been in the system for a year ish, all ready has 34 babies.  That does put high hopes on the fact he has proven sperm, now the stress lies on my body to be primed and ready and welcoming.  I think I need to practice meditation to help me be Zen the day of insemination to help my body welcome his active sperm. 

It will be hard to rationalize the fact that, if we get pregnant with this donor, there will be at least 40 siblings worldwide.  That is a huge family reunion.  We do plan on doing Donor Sibling Registry, so that could be interesting.  Hopefully most of the families decide to do the same. 

#110 Chosen our donor (08/14/12)

The journey to find sperm has been a stressful one.  It’s one thing to meet someone, and have the chemistry and know, “I want to have kids with this person.” But when you’re just looking at what they wrote and a picture or two, not as easy.  In the end between the two donors we had narrowed it down to, we chose the one from Xytex. 

As mentioned in Sperm Stress Continued, I had put it out there to the powers that be, if one sperm were available and one wasn’t, that was a large deciding factor.  For the Seattle donor, there was only three left to be released this year, and for further requirement timeframe was unknown, as he was out of the country.  The added bonus to Xytex donor was the fact he all ready has confirmed pregnancies, not sure how many, but has been confirmed.  So, now it is down to my real estate being possibly cleaned out of the polyp, healing for an undetermined amount of time and we are on our way for the first try. 

In the end we just did a pre-purchase of three sperm.  The risk loss of return was too high.  If you want to return any sperm (that hasn’t left the sperm bank) you only get 50% return, and you only have one year to do it.  The benefit of buying in bulk is $120 total, and one year of free storage.  In the end, as part of the fees for Calgary Fertility Clinic, you get one year of storage anyway, and we are going at least three tries.  If we get pregnant on the first go, then the remaining two will be for when my wife tried in about a year or so.  If she needs more, then we will figure things out. 

WE HAVE SPERM.  One less thing on our to do list, and that much closer to getting pregnant.

#109 Finally past 12 (08/14/12)

The past month or so it seems that I have been going from 10 pounds to 12 pounds to 10 pounds back to 12 back to 10.  It has been really annoying.  Finally this past weigh in I made it to 14.3 pounds.  Finally. 

This past Sunday we cooked up a storm, my MIL, my wife and I.  We made some scones, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, chuckin popcorn, nanking cherry pudding and candied pecans.  I know, I know, not too healthy, but when cooking we were a bit more heath conscious, so snacks for alternate store bought ones.  Then for dinner I made a rose parmesan sauce with tortellini, garlic toast not sopped in butter, and the appy was a boccacini cheese, tomato salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil dressing.  We found it was just as good as our favourite dish from the Olive Garen, but a lot less fat and crammed calories, and a fraction of the cost, which makes it better. 

Here’s to hoping to reach the 15 pound mark this weekend. 

#108 The Ducklings (08/14/12)

On a happy note, all the ducklings got rescued.  A couple weeks ago, the momma duck and seven little ducklings (which was the amount my wife had counted in the drain) marched through my MIL’s back yard and jumped down the stairs to the alley.  Here are a couple pictures, not the best ones, but cute none the less.  It just took me a long time to get the photos off of the camera.

#107 Sperm Stress Continued (08/13/12)

Continued from my previous post Sperm Stress, the stress continues.  Well, the Free Trial from Xytex wasn’t quite the trial we thought it was.  You did get a look at their detailed profile, however there was an important thing missing, viewing the photos.  So we signed up for the Ultra Unlimited Package at about another $200.  After paying $300 for the main banks that had any choices within our criteria, we had about 45 donors to choose from.  As stressful as it can be trying to choose sperm, seeing facial features, and stance as an adult helps immensely.  At this point, after analysing profiles and pictures, we have it narrowed down to two options.  One from Seattle, and one from Xytex.    It is a hard choice between the two though.  The thought of “What if we make the wrong choice?” keeps running though our head.  Yesterday I said, if one of the two wasn’t available, I would be fine with the other option. 

Today I called Outreach Sperm Bank to see what the availability is for our top two.  The one from Xytex is available in the 6 pack we want, washed, currently in Canada.  The one from Seattle isn’t.  Outreach is contacting the Seattle sperm bank to see if/when our choice has any being store there or if any more is coming soon.  The choice from Xytex does have confirmed pregnancies, not only with Xytex, but with Outreach.  Outreach is finding out if the Seattle choice has any confirmed pregnancies.  Availabilities may make the final choice for us, and I am still ok with that.  If they are both available, it is going to be a hard decision. 

On this phone call, I found out something fairly alarming.  Before a donor is retired, they can have 40 family units globally.  That is HUGE possible extended family worldwide, plus the fact each family unit can have more than one child. 

#106 Sperm Stress (08/10/12)

The order for the long for donor profiles has been processed by Outreach Sperm Bank.  I have been jumping on my email like a cat on a hot tin roof.  Check, no emails, wait, check, no emails, check One email, YES, damn, just a uniform email from my union, check, no emails, check, YAY email from Outreach, order has been processed.  Now I’m waiting for an email for my requested donors profiles, I think from the emails it will be sent, and I don’t need to send in an additional request.  I hope. 

The point to this story is, this is a small wait in comparison to the TWW (Two Week Wait).  I’m this anxious waiting and excited about being able to choose sperm, I am going to have to practice major meditation to be able to get through the TWW. 

Just got the first few profiles, EXCITED.  Couldn’t wait till home, I opened had a quick glance at the pictures then forwarded to my wife. 

#105 Sperm options got bigger (08/10/12)

As discussed before regarding sperm, our options are limited because of the requirement of CMV negative.  When we were looking at Outreach Sperm Bank I had thought being in Canada the Seattle and European banks weren’t available due to restrictions.  I was looking on their website again today and read something that peaked my interest to suggest otherwise.  It turns out the reason I can’t look at any details is reporting requirements that aren’t available online for those banks, but they are open for shipping to Canada.  YAY.  Downside, to see any information about these donors, you need to either pay a per profile fee, or subscribe for three months for $99.95 plus taxes.  You then request which donors you want to look at, and can be as broad as, all Caucasians, that are C-.  So I think we will do that to be able to see all of our options. 

#104 Talking about Lesbian Pregnancy (08/10/12)

Like a lot of people about to embark on getting pregnant, I’ve been reading some other blogs of other lesbians Trying To Conceive (TTC), some of which were successful, some still trying.  Getting up on the knowhow on what is to come.  On a couple sites if have come across entries like “Rudest Questions to ask a Pregnant Lesbian” or “Questions NOT ok to ask during pregnancy.”

In my opinion, it is ok to ask every question.  Knowledge is key to help people be less nervous about lesbians, or prejudice, or come to the WRONG conclusion.  Yesterday I had two conversations about my wife and me about to try to get pregnant; one with my sister, who seemed afraid to ask anything and one with my Aunt who was interested in every aspect, and asked about what she didn’t know.  She loves babies and is very excited we are about to try and get pregnant.  Some questions my aunt didn’t quite know how to ask, but I understood what she was trying to say so I informed her. 

http://www.babble.com/cs/strollerderby/five-questions-to-never-ask-a-pregnant-lesbian/

That is one of the sites that I came across.  This is my compassionate response to these questions. 

1.      Do you know the father?  No, originally we were going to use a close friend as a donor, but in the end we decided to go through a sperm bank. 

2.      Did you consider adoption? Yes.  As someone that is obviously missing a key component to having children naturally, this is a natural question to ask. 

3.      What is the baby going to call you?  We haven’t quite figured this out.  For the natural, one will be called mom, we are still up for debate as to the second title.  For ease on early language, mom for both of us is probably going to happen a little.

4.      Do you hope it is a girl?  Yes, however my wife would like a boy.  But in the end, we want a happy and healthy baby. 

5.      Was IVF a fortune?  We aren’t going through IVF, we are going through IUI.  My aunt did ask a question similar to that, as she knows someone that went through IFV, and so I informed her what IUI is and why we are going that way. 

In the end, I would rather people be informed than come to wrong conclusions.  Some questions may be a bit much, ie “Can I be in the delivery room?” however, you can ask, it is just the answer would probably be No. 

When asking the questions or talking about it, be considerate, and compassionate instead of being rude or having an attitude about asking.