The past couple days I’ve been wondering if I should bother writing my blog. Due to the lack of progress in weight loss I’ve been in a slight funk. The fact that I only have three people reading, I was almost saying why bother writing. An email from Dharma (thanks Dharma for the encouragement) kept me coming back, but I was lacking the passion to write. I had hit a dead zone kind of.
However, on the flip side of things; I have three people (usually) reading my blog myself, Dharma and Partschick (my wife). That is more than the one person and doing it just for me. The email from Dharma was a nice reminder that it isn’t just me going through these things.
Now that I’m slightly coming out of that funk, I realize how much the blog helps me, the most important reason I am doing this. If I wasn’t writing and logging my food with some encouragement from my MFP pals I truly believe I would have quit ages ago. Having a record of my thoughts is important to me, to keep me going, through the good moments, and especially the bad. There are many ups and a lot of downs. This isn’t a journey that promises smooth sailing.
My weight loss is a journey to save my life. Being morbidly obese is not healthy and will take me to an early grave. It is not a might, it is a fact. In order to avoid this early trip to bed with the worms I have to change my life.
My weight loss is also a journey to create another life. Being morbidly obese makes getting pregnant more difficult. So the more weight I lose before going to the clinic the better. Unfortunately my wife and I won’t have an OOP’s we got pregnant, we are having to work on it, so I’m hoping to lose as much as I can before I get my first appointment.
By having a blog to record small steps and remember them is what is keeping me going. I realized today how when I’m not in a funk, when I’m writing, it is like it has to come out of me. Maybe it is a way for my body to communicate with me without my brain distorting the truth. Then I can reflect on what I have written and see where I am, and where I have been, and where I need to go. My voice seems to come out of my finger tips a lot better than in real life.
Many small steps will get us to our long term goals. This journey will not be one gigantic leap. Having the patience to last through all the small steps, even the ones going backwards, is a virtue we all need to learn.
So in a way writing this blog is saving my life. It keeps me going, it acts as a reminder, and it is a record of where I was, and what I was thinking. So when I get to the end of my journey at a healthy weight, whatever that magic number is, however many years it takes, I will be able to go back to what I wrote to keep me from going back to where I was, where I am now. I just have to remember this journey is measured in years, not days or months. It is years now to lose the weight, and years will be added to my life, both measured in experiences because I am healthy enough to do things I want to do, and the longevity of my lifetime.
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